I've been struggling lately with how to refer to my boys' mother. Calling her my wife was always so easy, you know? One syllable, done. Wife. Even among monosyllables, it has a nice, staccato ring to it. Like the slash of a machete. Makes you think of a Peruvian laborer, hacking his way through a cane field. Wife!
I'm a big fan of the one-syllable reference. Throughout our marriage, I never called her by her full name, because it has two syllables and is unabbreviable. It still feels a little weird using it now. It's like having to say "Kentucky Fried Chicken." Or the "Franklin Delano Roosevelt Drive." Instead, I had a shorter nickname, an endearment. Like "dear" or "hon," only a little less 1958.
When I refer to her in the third person, I still call her my wife. Because she still is, sorta, until the paperwork is final. It's nothing to do with pining for the past. It's just easier than "boys' mother," or "that one." I guess sooner or later I'll go with "ex," because it's simple and descriptive. No need to reinvent the wheel.
"Ex" is too simple for the blog, though. The blog offers me a chance to play, to use words that sound dopey and inscrutable in conversation. So I was thinking about how to name her here in a singular, yet neutral way. "Soon2bX" will expire soon. "Baby mama" is too long and a bit derisive. "BM" is shorter, but indicative of poo. I tried eliding "boys' mom" into "zmom," but that was too close to Adrian Zmed, who starred on TJ Hooker, which she is not. Mombert is OK, though it sort of overworks the Bert suffix, which has already been done. To death.
Other thoughts drifted into biology, or scatology, or libel. No good on all counts.
So I'm playing around with some more words, and I came up with Renta. A nice mixture of parenting, schism, impermanence, and couture, all in one go!
Yes, I agree. I need a new hobby.
