Vox pox
Welcome to Day Four without much of a voice. It left late Wednesday, after a work outing in Central Park, and ever since I've been barking like Kathleen Turner with croup. On the weekdays, when the lives and livelihoods of colleagues hinged on my every word, it was actually a boon. I couldn't manage much beyond a squeak and huffle, so everyone had to lean in, as if I were just about to finally divulge where I had hidden the nerve gas. Followed by the projectile coughing. And the collateral damage.
(Oh, right. Ha! I just remembered that work now knows about my blog. Hello, work! So nice to have you. No, there is no nerve gas anywhere on the facility. That I know of, anyway. I mean, if you have your own nerve gas or some other deadly pathogen lying around, that's your business! Vive la péstilence!)
Having no voice has the doubly salubrious effect of controlling my mood. Raising your voice is usually a symptom of agitation, so if your body knows it can't yell, it's useless to want to yell. It's logic! Vive la contrapositif!
Of course, weekends are a different matter entirely. If, for example, your son's tee-ball game is rained out, and a bunch of drenched kids and parents have found temporary shelter at the parking garage across the street, and every single child takes turns standing in the way of the light beam that when broken sets off a piercing siren that dissolves your innards, it would be great to tell that child, gently but firmly, to please move before my liquefied pancreas leaks out my ... back door.
(Hello once again, work!)
Time is of the essence, as I have but two weeks to nurse my voice back to its normal, stentorian velvethood. Father's Day is coming up, and on June 18 Kristen Chase will be interviewing me, presumably to discuss what it's like to be the only mommy blogger with back hair. Which is fine, because I'm sure she has some great tips about shaving.
I usually feel like Kathleen Turner on steroids when I get sick... I get down to at least a husky baritone, and EVERY ailment settles in my throat. I think I am probably the only person in the history of mankind to lose her voice on account of knee surgery.
I feel your pain.
Posted by: Shop Girl | June 02, 2008 at 01:37
Try apple cider vinegar and honey, but I forget the proportions. Sorry. Not much help. I guess as long as you don't start looking like Kathleen Turner you should be okay.
I'd be more concerned about the oozing pancreas if I were you.
Posted by: Tina | June 02, 2008 at 01:54
Two weeks is a long time to be voiceless for most people (not me). You should be fine.
Can't wait for the interview. Just read some of Kristen's blog, and think between the two of you, it should be quite an interesting and entertaining program!
Posted by: Brenda | June 02, 2008 at 08:59
Looking forward to reading it. I bet she'll be really impressed by your pumped up calves, too!
Posted by: Alli | June 02, 2008 at 09:12
Two weeks would be an eternity with no voice, but it could be an interesting social experiment. Once you get better, you should just keep going with it for awhile. Why not?
Posted by: LiteralDan | June 02, 2008 at 12:13
The sad truth is I like being mute, because it's so becalming. I'm confident I'd be fine under normal circumstances, but I wonder about subconscious sabotage.
Posted by: LOD | June 02, 2008 at 13:30
That is some wonderful logic you use! I wish I thought of that some weeks ago when for some unknown reason I was muted completely - and consequently spent the weekend carrying around a pen and paper to at least be able to communicate to some extent. Frustrating!
Warm lemon juice with honey helped... That, and several shots of liquor, the identity of which I somehow do not remember.
Posted by: Barbara | June 02, 2008 at 14:12
Guaranteed you're not the only mommy blogger with back hair.
Posted by: Stephanie | June 02, 2008 at 15:33
That pox has travelled to Chicago. I got it. And for some reason I only get sick right when the sh-....ummm poop hits the fan. Would be nice to actually speak normaly soon.
Posted by: Little Bird | June 02, 2008 at 18:13
Stentorian velvethood...nice.
In the meantime you could take up knitting, a la Madame Defarge. All that French, added to the controlled agitation..it has to come out somehow.
Posted by: Jennifer H | June 02, 2008 at 18:14
Lost your voice after a "work outing in Central Park." That sounds like code for "Springsteen concert" to me. I once lost my voice while "in the field looking for clients," and my ears rung for about a week.
Posted by: George | June 03, 2008 at 12:51
If it makes you feel better about your back hair, I have three (3) annoyingly persistent chin whiskers and a fourth (4th) on my neck. No matter how much I pluck the little effers they keep growing back...
Posted by: Manager Mom | June 03, 2008 at 22:24
Most people don't lose their voices for 2 weeks (I am an exception to that). For me, every time I cough, it seems like I lose my voice. The last big time, it was 2 months, which was horrible. But enough about me. My doctor advises the following:
1) No cold beverages. Room temperature at a minimum. Hot tea and broth are best.
2) No caffeine. Seriously.
3) Use a humidifier while you sleep
4) If all else fails, steroids.
Good luck!
Posted by: Dawn | June 04, 2008 at 20:25
My first year of college I got walking pneumonia (I was soo-oh popular). Consequently, I lost (and regained...) my voice 7 times in a semester.
I used to make soup and pretty much stick my head in it to breath in the steam. My pores looked fab too!
Posted by: Deidre | June 05, 2008 at 22:33
Try tea with honey in it...and old trick from my radio days. Drink it right before the interview!
Posted by: Ms. Single Mama | June 06, 2008 at 12:24