Spring in my step

After I finally let loose with my yaybook/boomarriage post, I thought I resolved to post more often. And why not? My name and putrid personal life are out there now, writ large, in 1080i HD. It feels good to spill a few guts now and then, doesn't it? So let's spill already!

Then I kind of went into a funk.

I was strolling through a big-box book retailer and was delighted to find "Things I Learned..." in the Parenting section. This is a step up from one of the first blogging anthologies (I forget its title, but it had something to do with Eating Your Young, I think), which was wedged in the Computer section among the five-inch-thick Geek Bibles, C++ programming and such. Hooray, I thought. Blogging seems just that much closer to mainstreamier media, and this new book might be found by browsers whose aren't wearing binary code.

Two books over, there was a book called "Long-Distance Dad." Which made me think about how soon I'll have to move out, which made me shuffle home and fall asleep in my clothes. I'm not a depressive type, but I am a champion-caliber brooder. And since I tend to internalize problems, I usually process interpersonal conflict by wondering what I could have done differently. With a few autonoogies for good measure.

So I was perusing the real-estate listings and letting myself mourn a little when I got a lovely e-mail about my essay from a reader in far deeper doo-doo than I. Of all the correspondence I've gotten about it (and thank you all for writing, as every bit helps), hers stood out for its optimism and grit. Although she didn't say it in so many words, she basically beat me with the tough-love stick, telling me to suck it up, walk it off, and dare to be happy again. And wouldn't you know it, the next day I actually ate breakfast.

The key, I've found, is to focus on the scads of good that will come of this. To quit dwelling on regret for the past and pessimism over the future. To look at the earnest young kindergartener up on the stage at his Spring Concert, and his little brother dancing in the aisle, and realize that even though I feel unlucky sometimes, my overall luckmeter is still pretty far on the plus side.

Turns out, this is an excellent strategy for mental well-being. We were at that concert the other night, in our perfectly-vantaged aisle seats. Just as I was lining up the perfect picture of Robert belting out "Splish-Splash" at the top of his lungs, a clueless, fat-assed parent stood up in the aisle, oblivious to all the shutterbugs behind her, and waved at her kid for a good four minutes. I was in such a good mood that I succeeded in not killing her.

Comments

[kidsmom]

Ah, yes: The Oblivious Fat People have struck again. Their cousins, The Mouth Breathers, are usually close behind.

Gotta love a kids' concert to make one feel blessed.

[Brenda]

You're ahead of most of us. I can think of 1000 less-than-nice things might have done in that situation (the fat person).

Glad things are going a little better. It won't be that way every day, but you can help make it the trend.

Write more! You have audience! Waiting on the edge of our seats for the next post!

[Brenda]

You're ahead of most of us. I can think of 1000 less-than-nice things might have done in that situation (the fat person).

Glad things are going a little better. It won't be that way every day, but you can help make it the trend.

Write more! You have audience! Waiting on the edge of our seats for the next post!

[Christy]

This is probably going to sound like a lot of "blah, blah, blah" right now, but it always helps me to remember that any horrible situation I've been through (or a situation I perceived as horrible at the time) always turned out to be exponentially better for me later on down the road.

I am positive that you have a tremendous amount of great things to look forward to. And I do hope you'll write more often--aside from the fact that so many of us love reading your blog, I think it's a lot like therapy (it helps me anyway.)

Take care.

[RubiaLala]

I’m glad you’re in a better mood. It would be nice to hear from you more often!

[Anna Marie]

Good for you! It is a fetid, mosquito-filled swamp you are wading through, but on the other side is a happy place - a place that you will create as you go - and you WILL get there. Keep your chin up and your eye on the ball.

AM

[Petunia]

I'm a freak about my picture-taking. I'd have booted her in her fat ass. I'm proud of you. You're doing "our" name proud.

[LiteralDan]

You know what might have made you feel even better and more optimistic about the future? Throttling Her Corpulent Majesty.

Or at least breaking her waving arm.

[Kelley]

Wow, I would have totally punched her in the pancreas. But that is just me. I am snarky while I am awake.

[JBM]

Good restraint with the fat lady... sometimes melancholy does that. Been there with the long distance/short distance parenting...all will be well, you will all be stronger and happier from it. Of course at the time, it's hard to know that, but just trust your instincts, your kids will lead.

[Ms. Single Mama]

During the first year, after I left my husband with our then 4-month-old in tow, I thought my world was ending. But, in reality, it was a new beginning.

But like all new beginnings - it is what you make of it.

Funny your e-mailer used the words - suck it up - I have used those same words on my blog when describing that first year.

I just realized - there's no point, whatsoever in wallowing in the negative. That positive attitude and the peace that comes when you are finally free of a miserable marriage is amazing. (If you can find it). Being open to it that peace is the first step.

[Kathy B.]

Yeah -- I was at a Law School graduation on Sunday. Just as "my" graduate was walking across the stage to get his diploma, some dill-weed two rows ahead of me stood up to focus his camera for someone not even on stage yet!

I was P-I-S-S-E-D -- and they walk by so quickly, there was no time to ask him to sit the hell down!

[Paris]

Something about the "fat-assed" comment made me instantly, and uncharacteristically, hate you. I'm a normal sized 10 so it's not that you hit too close to home - it's that it made you sound like a jerk and I'm tired of mean jerks.

[jay]

i agree...its not easy doing it alone. we have a 3 week old and we are still getting adjusted

[jay]

i agree...its not easy doing it alone. we have a 3 week old and we are still getting adjusted.
http://jsalt75.wordpress.com/

[kimblahg]

hang in there- the roller coaster will continue but there will be some great times too.

[kimblahg]

hang in there- the roller coaster will continue but there will be some great times too.

[Laurie]

I agree with Paris.

[Mom101]

The kindness of strangers - it isn't just a bad movie cliché.

Glad to hear about the new happy thinking. Now let's see if I can break it down with some Mario Kart ass-whupping.

[Leann]

Having gone through what you are currently in, my one thought is: We teach our children to love by how we show love. If you're in a relationship that is unhealthy even if it is 'only for the children' you truly are doing them an injustice.

[Miss Grace]

Zest for life notwithstanding, I think I would have killed her anyways.

[dadshouse]

Good advice from your far away reader - be happy and grateful for all the good in your life, and let the rest melt away. (Still, I know how you feel - I've been divorced 8 years, and the first 2 were damned hard to get through)

[losingtrue]

Now I know you've made it: you got some hate mail. Although they sound as if they would truly prefer to like you, so I'm not sure this counts.

It's the fat-assed moments that get you through stuff, in my recent experience. Just when you're thinking dark Kafka-esque thoughts a piece of human comedy falls in your lap, with all its blubber jiggling. Thus you're skewed back to center.

[Leann]

You got hate mail!! You're so "in".

[Single Mom Seeking]

I hear you about internalizing. Oy vey, the mind of a writer. xo

[croutonboy]

Staying positive = good. Singing = good. Not killing people = good (most of the time). Real estate = bad. We should catch up...