The voyage to continence

If someone were filming the story of my life, the current scene would begin with a tight shot of a pair of training underpants hanging from shower rod. Slowly, the camera pans to a tiny pair of dungarees, wet at the crotch. Then another pair of sodden undies, then some mini-khakis, brown rivulets along the inseam. The camera pulls back to reveal a wide shot of a small bathroom, wet clothes hanging just about anywhere--towel rods, bathtub spigots, ends of toilet plungers. Like that scene at the Atlanta train station in "Gone With the Wind," except instead of Confederate wounded there'd be acres of be-piddled clothes, reaching out in anguish for the laundering they so desperately need.

I admit we were spoiled by Robert, who one day just up and decided he'd had enough of diapers. But TwoBert's road has been a little rockier; for every pee that makes it down the toilet, there's another that ... doesn't. TwoBert, you know we love you. We stand as one, resolved to weather these setbacks and see you through to Diapers' End. We are in for a penny and in for a pound, and we're showing our commitment by not buying any more diapers. Take note, though, that the casualties are mounting. We are renters who own no laundering equipment. Our policy is to let the dirty clothes pile up until the hampers buckle, then saddle up the stroller and head to the laundromat. But now you're wetting everything in sight, and it's not like we're made of underpants. Something has to give, or pretty soon you'll head to the playground wearing Saran wrap and an apron.

Comments

[Rita]

Gone with the Wind is one of my favorite movies. I will never watch it again without chuckling at all the those confederate soldiers laid out while thinking of undies. Love it!!

[Muppet]

One of my co-workers decided to have a hand to ass talk with his son. He didn't have any more accidents after that. I thought that was in-effective, but what do I know? Just saying...

[Kizz]

Funny that, I have been putting off the all-important laundromat visit for a couple of weeks and almost had to wear that same outfit to work today. Saran Wrap really is a wonder.

[Traci]

I feel for you.
My girl pooped on the potty, on her own, at around 2 and I just burst with pride at my sweet, easygoing, independent lady.

Now, at 3 and half and counting, it's still diaper city. We finally buckled after a summer of nudity and intermittent potty breaks that was followed by an autumn of peeing all over every child friendly restaurant in town.

We are now in the "toilet resistant" phase.
um...but I am sure that won't happen to you...

[Alli]

and if we see TwoBert at the park in saran wrap and an apron we will smile knowing that he is a work in progress.

[Asha {Parent Hacks}]

We're ALL a work in progress! Minus the Saran Wrap. On good days.

[E]

We bring many a pair of pants along with many a pair of underwear wherever we go. Not to mention lots of wipes and hazmat bags.

[Brenda]

Were it not for potty training, I (and I'm CERTAIN myriads of others) would be willing to have lots of kids! But lo the days/weeks/months/more?! make me want to run as far away from that experience as possible.

Good luck! Glad you have patience. And more glad it's not me.

And Saran Wrap. Combine that with duct tape, and just imagine the possibilities!

[Little Bird]

The only thing I can think of to say is Toilet Training in One Day.
It worked for me. And by that I mean that my mother subscribed to this method. It worked. In one day. Accidents? Yes, there were accindents on occasion. But not all that many. And now my mother will post a comment to tell you all about those accidents.

[Jerri Ann]

I can't for the life of me remember how old TwoBert is but I own a daycare and I have some 2 year olds that are potty trained and one 22 month old............HOWEVER, yes, I said that rather loud for a reason, so.....HOWEVER.........my own child is 3 1/2 and will not even go into the bathroom with his class. He stands in the lobby with his arms crossed and a big pouty lip saying "No".

We have offered every bribe under the sun. We told him he could not go to his Nanny's (which is as close to going to a candy store alone as it gets)and he simply said, "OK" but no potty for him.

Finally his older brother who was a breeze to train (sound familiar) is playing baseball. We go equipment shopping and we tell him he can't play until he quits wearing a pull-up. Guess what? He said "ok" HOWEVER(yea they are caps for a reason) when I said, "Well, are you going to start pottying in the bathroom?" He quietly stated that no, he was not.

Now, he has basically said that he is wearing pull-ups until he is as big as his father.... who, by the way, doesn't wear pull-ups at all.

So, as exasperated as you am I. When would you like to trade laundry for a day?

[JenL]

I feel your pain, brother. We are just out of that phase...during which I became so close to my laundry equipment that I gave them nicknames (Mary and Martha, if you must know).

I did the big build up to her 3rd Bday: "Three year olds go pee/poo in the potty ALL the time!!" "When you are 3 you'll go potty without accidents!" etc etc.

Never underestimate the power of positive suggestion. Combine that with a chocolate reward system (Jumbo M&Ms, anyone?) and you have a method that is chock full of win!

[clickmom]

This is what worked for my kids: If he can pee on command then he can be trained. Take him to the potty every 45 minutes wether he wants to or not. If he puts up too much too much of a fuss then tell him YOU have to go and when he watches/hears you go he'll decide maybe he could go after all and he'll go. Eventually he'll get it on his own and the timing thing will fade away as he begins to respond to his own needs. Much less laundry that way. Good luck.

[n]

neither of my highly intelligent children were potty trained by their first birthday. Daughter did it once on the potty and saw no reason to continually prove her ability to do so.

Son like the system as it was; saw no reason to fix what ain't broke.

Son was tougher. However, he did admire that water gun that was bigger than he was. The SUPER SOAKER DELUXE. Super Soaker was placed on the fireplace mantle, just like a Hollywood award. Each day Son didn't soil his clothes earned him a sticker. After a week of stickers, he was awarded the Super Soaker.

At 12, son still recalls the Super Soaker. And, he's potty trained.

[n]

Oh, too early. Correct the HIghly Intelligent Children post to read "THIRD" birthday. THIRD, and then some....

I was so ashamed....

[Slim]

A couple of months ago, I bought what I thought might be our last two boxes of diapers.

But the boy who will happily pee in the potty isn't going to poop there any time soon, and when the choice comes to buying more diapers or doing more laundry, well, diapers + wine = Safeway minimum order for free delivery.

I'm a quitter and proud of it.

[Ani]

Plastic pants. Not pretty, darn bulky, but hey, less laundry!

[pnuts mama]

am i weird for absolutely having zero interest in potty training the pnut? i mean, not even a little bit? it's just so much. i've heard magical things about turning three, but i'm not holding my breath.

[kqmommy]

I went through all kinds of angst and guilt with potty training my son. The closer he got to 3 the more angsty and guilty I felt. Back in the BK days (before kids) I was aghast, AGHAST!, at children who weren't potty trained before 2.5 (two and a half, what were their parents thinking?!). That is just the opportunity the universe needs to have a good laugh at me. I used to say with much chagrin "He may go to kindergarten in a pull-up, but he probably won't go to college in one". Notice I hedged my bets with "probably". We finally got him trained around 3.5, although he could still use some work on his aim.

Then there is poor, neglected child #2 -- a girl. I am told by just about everyone I meet how easy it is to potty train girls. Why, they practically train themselves! I guess no one has told my daughter. She turned 3 last week and she wants no part of sitting on the potty. I keep hoping the potty fairies will show up soon and get her going (pun intended) on the potty. She probably won't go to college in a pull-up either.

[Jeremy Neal]

We've been procrastinating about potty training our son, although we do talk about it with him. He's only 20 months, and the doctor said we shouldn't start forcing the issue until he is 2-years-old. I want to start the process soon, but I can't seem to get a picture out of my head of my nephew peeing down the floor vent at my mom's house. I'm not sure I'm ready for these types of messes just yet. Take care! -Jeremy @ Discovering Dad.

[Kate]

"Something has to give, or pretty soon you'll head to the playground wearing Saran wrap and an apron."

Not in this fracking weather. Maybe to the ark instead?

LOL @ Jeremy. Force the issue and you will be lucky to be done by 3.5. In my opinion, of course.

And to pnuts mama: turning 3 indeed did have magical "I'm so big I am willing to do this potty thing" properties for us. If you threw in a toy kitchen.

[Elaine]

Oh I feel your pain. I had to potty train my now almost 17-year old while living in the projects with no working washer in sight. Thankfully, potty training my almost-three year old twins has been somewhat better. At least I have a washer for the five pairs of bottoms (pants and underwears) that the Boy goes through daily as well as the nightly pajama/sheet changing ritual. Girl doing much better. Thank goodness for that!

[Johanna]

My son told me, in no uncertain terms, that he would go to the potty when he was four and NOTHING we could do, say or threaten would change his mind.

At the age of four, on his birthday, he walked out into the living room, took off his diaper and that was that. Maybe an accident or two in the next year, but no more.

And while I was delighted that I would no longer be buying diapers, it dawned on me that the sheer force of will he had demonstrated in choosing when he would stop was going to be more of a problem than potty training.

[Tiffany]

I know that it's not healthy and I will probably be berated by someone who knows better, but I used to sit my kids on their potties in front of whatever favorite cartoon I could get my hands on and feed them M&M's one by one. This would go on for 20 mins or so at a time until they went. It's a far cry from our whole grain organic diet that we have now, but I was willing to do ANYTHING to just get it over with.

[Niner]

For the better part of a year--from just turned three to almost four--my son was completely pee-trained (he even wore underwear to day care every day) but he refused to SIT on the toilet to take care of #2. We had the "force of will" issue that someone else mentioned with him. :) However, he would tell us when he needed to poop, so we'd put a pull-up on him, he'd take care of business, and we'd change him. It minimized both the cost of pullups and laundry issues. It helped that he was quite regular--between 6:30 and 7 every night. I became a big believer in the "s/he'll go when s/he's ready." Be encouraging, suggest the potty, but let it happen is my advice. If anyone has the gall to judge you because your child is older than two and not potty trained--and I do remember swearing that that would not happen to me--throw a diaper at them and tell them to mind their own damn business. :)

[smirkhouse]

My older son was almost 4 when he decided that he was willing to pee in the shower. This I heartily welcomed, and eventually he found the commode. The poop in the toilet was another few months in the making, and we found that a lot of benefiber got him out of pull ups, that and examining every toilet poop as if it was a masterpiece, and declaring only the fluffiest "Man-sized." (My father captures images of his accomplishments with a cell phone camera and sends them to my brothers, so perhaps Great-Grandma also overly-praised pooping...)

[Barbara]

I know both sides of the potty training situation very well and only wish that BOTH of my now 3-year, 5-month-old twin girls took it seriously. The first trained just before they turned 3 last fall, poop and all and has only had a few accidents since then. The second, however, just doesn't care!!!! She has peed just about everywhere in our house, can slip out of the view of 4 adults to poop in under 60 seconds, .......... We're taking the "wait for it to click" tact now after having played the nice/rewards game and the strict/withdrawal of privileges game. Best of luck and send some to me, too!