Five going on fifteen
"I hate swimming."
"Why do you hate swimming?"
"I've told you, like, a million times."
"What's so terrible about swimming?"
"Mostly, it's everything with the water."
"I see."
"It's too hard, and it doesn't make any sense, and it's just terrible."
"Are you saying you don't like it because it's a challenge? Because you have to try?"
[pause]
"No."
"Do you remember when you first started playing baseball? How you swung your bat like crazy and couldn't hit a thing?"
"Uh-huh."
"Do you remember how you practiced and practiced, and how you felt when you hit your first home run?"
"Uh-huh."
"Why do you think you can hit home runs and routinely beat the snot out of me when we play dingerball? Because you practiced and got better. Because you tried."
[long pause]
"Dad, everything you say is completely stupid."
Oh comeon, really? Totally unexaggerated retelling of the story?
Posted by: KC | February 24, 2008 at 09:39
Do YOU have kids, KC? Have you never heard kids talk?
Posted by: Rare Todd | February 24, 2008 at 11:04
haha, priceless.
Posted by: Rachel | February 24, 2008 at 11:06
It's verbatim. I even stopped on the way home from the pool and wrote it down. Which only seemed to aggravate him further.
Posted by: LOD | February 24, 2008 at 12:35
I was trying to get my 2 yr old daughter to enter the shore at the beach. Gave her all the pertinent reasons as to why, including the fact that I packed her infant brother, all the necessities, lunch, a stroller, and if she didn't get into the water it was a wasted effort and I was really hot and tired, and...
"Mama: I just don't NEED to go in the water".
My husband just looked at me.
At 14, she's hasn't gotten any less astute.
Posted by: n | February 24, 2008 at 13:25
"Mostly, it's everything with the water."
That's the best thing I've read all week.
Posted by: Susie | February 24, 2008 at 18:46
That is just the most perfect thing ever.
Posted by: samantha Jo Campen | February 24, 2008 at 21:39
Well, he just summed it up, didn't he? Nice.
Posted by: kristi | February 25, 2008 at 05:10
My son won't leave the water. Even for a bathroom break or lunch. We were so thrilled he decided to like the beach. His summer gills are going to sprout back again very soon.
Posted by: E | February 25, 2008 at 09:32
I felt much the same way about swimming when I was his age. I thought it sucked in ways that language was inadequate to convey.
I am still a lousy swimmer, but I actually enjoy it nowadays.
Posted by: Meetzorp | February 25, 2008 at 10:13
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Posted by: Chookooloonks | February 25, 2008 at 10:54
The boy sounds like my 6 year old girl. She can nail me to the wall in 10 words or less. And KC? Have some kids. Or, actually, don't.
Posted by: Jennifer | February 25, 2008 at 11:45
This totally cracked me up. My 4-year-old is the same.
Posted by: Amanda | February 25, 2008 at 12:24
You are so right. Except I think he's maybe going on 12. EVERYTHING is stupid to my 12-year-old son.
Posted by: Robin in San Jose | February 25, 2008 at 12:41
It's funny, because it's true.
Posted by: landismom | February 25, 2008 at 21:30
HA! Your kid is just the bomb.
Posted by: 21stCenturyMom | February 25, 2008 at 22:51
This is so hilarious. I actually read it yesterday, am still laughing about it today and just had to come back and tell you how much I love this. Kids are awesome.
Posted by: Catharina | February 26, 2008 at 09:00
i had this exact same conversation with my own dad. last week.
Posted by: mr nice guy | February 26, 2008 at 16:19
THAT'S FUNNY........now
Did the conversation end there, with you being stupid?
Posted by: Yomama | February 26, 2008 at 17:01
Yeah, that's when you know you're doing it right--when you're "completely stupid." Good job, LOD!
Posted by: FatLady | February 26, 2008 at 17:32
Delurking, because I spent nearly three years teaching such preschoolers and kindergarteners how to swim. I have heard every smart-ass answer in the book.
Posted by: Heidi | February 27, 2008 at 13:19
I had to read it out loud to my family. Priceless!
You are without a doubt one of the most talented writers in blog land.
Posted by: Jen | February 27, 2008 at 21:25
Robert should be a lawyer when he grows up.
Posted by: Alli | February 29, 2008 at 09:52
Perish the thought. The day Robert tells me he wants to go to law school, I'm throwing myself off the nearest bridge.
Posted by: LOD | February 29, 2008 at 10:00
Great dialogue. I'm sooooo looking forward to these kinds of conversations.
Posted by: Chris in Oxford | March 03, 2008 at 17:34
I am so saving this -- that made my day. I don't feel alone knowing my child isn't the only smart ass in the world who thinks their parent is stupid at the tender age of 7:)
Posted by: WCD | March 07, 2008 at 12:05