The tidings are high, but I'm holding on

There's so much to say about this year's Christmas Shebangabang, but I'll have to give you the short and sweet for now, as I am writing on borrowed time. My laptop, you see, on which I depend for nearly everything, has decided that it's forgotten how to start up, and whenever the hard-disk gives itself a How's-Your-Father it spits out "fatal disk errors." I've been assured my data are retrievable, but I was also assured that George Bush Jr. would never be president and that Iomega stock would top out at 40. So I won't be sleeping soundly for a while.

The foremost topic of conversation is that Robert's conversion to the dark side is now complete. He now sits at the feet of the emperor in a brand-new #13 Yankees home jersey, which he would wear in the bathtub if we let him. He knows where it is at all times, and some internal alarm goes off whenever  either of the RetardoCats gets anywhere near it, lest they sully it with their shedding. I wish that were all, but it were not, and the shot I have of my child wearing a Yankee jersey and Yankee batting gloves and brandishing a Yankee bat is enough to make a grown man cry.

(Wait. The Boston Red Sox have won two Series since the Yankee dynasty ended seven years ago. Never mind.)

Speaking of RetardoCats, the other big hit with the Berts is an unassuming pair of remote-control cars. They're the size of your basic Matchbox and need recharging every 45 seconds, but when they're working they're absolutely excellent for tormenting felines who will Never. Stop. Chasing. They're so intent that even with four broken limbs they'd find a way to hump their bodies across the floor to catch the strange little robo-vermin.

I hope your family celebrations were happy and healthy, and many thanks to those of you who e-mailed about Laid-Off Granddad. The blood thinners are working, and his leg no longer resembles a big, fat leg of mutton. He still cannot shave, however, lest he cut himself and die clotlessly, so I'm growing a sympathy beard until he can resume his clean-cut, clean-shaven lifestyle. This is the sort of thing I wish I could explain to people as they hurry their children past me on the street.

Comments

[jason]

I had one of those cars and a couple cats a few years ago. By the time this comment is posted, the gears of yours will completely seized with clogged cat hair. Then, they enter a second life as tools for learning about how small mechanical things are assembled (and disassembled). Their third life will probably involve experiments with fire.

[BOSSY]

Does Grandad shave his legs often? Glad he's better - and a Happy Merry to you and all of yours from Bossy and all of Her's.

[21stCenturyMom]

I have one word for you - iDrive (actually I have a URL for you www.idrive.com) You can back up 2GB of data for free - it runs automagically and saves every changed thing every day. If you want more storage you can have it - cheap. If you use a Mac then you need to look at this guy's site

http://www.macobserver.com/tmoguides/backup/chapter4.shtml

Thanks for the hot tip on the remote control cars. I have a fat feline in desperate need of entertainment and exercise and that sounds like the magic bullet.

Happy New Year to All and I hope LaidOffGrandad is literally back on his feet soon.

[kidsmom]

The guy that spent a Year Living Biblically, did so in NYC. He grew his beard out for an entire YEAR.

His wife is a saint.

[JV]

Don't listen to those who advise you to back up your data. Backing up data is for pussies. Live on the edge, man. Consider your data as mandalas made of sand. Can you now feel the excitement?

[Little Bird]

Larger remote control cars are good for scaring off cats that are in heat. Yes it's true, I had the oppertunity to find this out. It helps if you are sitting on the kitchen counter with your feet out of claw range.

[Chookooloonks]

Nice Blondie reference. +2 points.