Swirling into chaos

The situation beneath our bathroom sink has reached DefCon Three.

It began when the slow drain devolved into a very-very-slow drain, the kind of slow that demanded about 10 minutes of rinsing my shavelings away from the side of the sink. This clog clearly meant business, as it was developing organs and a circulatory system. We needed it out, pronto, so my wife went out and bought the Really Caustic Stuff recommended by our hardware guy. She poured it down the sink and within 15 minutes the clog was gone--along with most of the U-pipe. So now my shavelings don't linger in the sink anymore. Instead, they're resting comfortably in the big bucket that sits where the crudbunker used to be.

The crudbunker has a story of its own that begins, as many stories do, with testicles.

On Monday my wife took Alex Rodriguez in to get neutered. (Next week, we'll take the cat! Zing!) While he's healing, the cats can't have any litter in their box. Instead, we apparently have to use shredded newspaper, which absorbs enough but does exactly zero for the stink. Furthermore, whenever Blossom does her business she stays around for about five minutes burying and ripping and hiding any possible evidence that she has pooped. (Because she is a lady, and ladies do not have digestive tracts.)

So now where most people might have a clean, elegant pedestal or a functional vanity, we have a fetid morass of cat effluent and shredded newsprint and caustic water and shavelings that get doused with Febreze every three or four seconds. On the plus side, however, since his namesake is in every paper every damn day of the week, there's a very good chance that Alex Rodriguez will poop on himself.

Comments

[evan]

“we have a fetid morass of...” sounds suspiciously like an apartment I shared with a buddy of mine in the early nineties.

But in retrospect I guess it’s a good thing we didn’t have him neutered because he has a very nice family and kids now.

He was pretty stinky though.

[Kristin]

You know, I used to think I was a cat person. But then both my cats died, and I am so enjoying my litter box-free lifestyle that I can't even think about getting another cat. And a litterbox in a small apartment ... Let me just say you are a stronger person than I.

[Kizz]

It's a trade off. I often think that the litterbox free life would be sweet but then it'd just be full of mice and roaches. Cats are the most eco-friendly deterrent to both for me.

If your wife takes Alex Rodriguez to be neutered she will be my hero for ever and ever amen.

[john]

This line made my day: "On the plus side, however, since his namesake is in every paper every damn day of the week, there's a very good chance that Alex Rodriguez will poop on himself." Thank you! :)

[Maren]

What in the world is this newspaper nonsense? I have one cat (that was neutered) and volunteer at a no-kill animal clinic, where we neuter kittens and adult cats like...it was our job or something. And out of all the clinics and vets and various hands these cats have passed through, we have NEVER, EVER been told to use newspaper. Did something go wrong during this neutering? Weird!

[Moxie-Mom]

CLASSIC!

Sometimes life IS good—however fleeting

[kidsmom]

I need to ditto Maren;

What's with the litter ban? When the cats are declawed they can't use litter, but I've never heard of neutering being an issue. They don't grind their kitty tushies in the stuff.

Or,perhaps, yours do?

[Meetzorp]

You're lucky; at least your cat buries her poo. Mine digs enthusiastically around every other square inch of the box (and scratches around outside the box) but proudly leaves the poop uncovered for all the world to see (and smell). Dees-gusting.