Blop about plop

"Like boxes of shit in your house? Get a cat."

As we gather our belongings, test our oxygen tanks, and start along the soft, mossy foothills of Mt. Bloppington, we begin the upward march with a post about ... turds.

Life was easy, once. Robert was in training pants, TwoBert was a fetus, and we had a tiny, elderly cat that ate about five ounces of food per month. Our Poop Quotient was nice and low, and our little apartment smelled mostly like feet or Tide, depending on how recently we'd done laundry.

Then TwoBert emerged, in all his pants-filling glory, but we were ready. We'd ridden through Diaper Junction before, and we knew what the return trip would entail. Besides, soon after TwoBert arrived the cat died, apparently convinced there was no way it could compete with a second little human.

But then, about a year ago, we started seeing mice. Apartment buildings are fragile ecosystems housing many species that usually keep to themselves, unless something cataclysmic -- say, the replacement of a sewer pipe -- upsets the tenuous balance. So after the building's poop chute got a reno job, the mice fled upstairs and found lots of furniture to scurry behind, laying billions of little mini-turds in their wakes.

I caught a few of them, and swept up all their little caraway seeds of excrement. But we didn't see the last of them until the arrival of new kittens, Alex Rodriguez and Princess Blossom Pepper Doodle Von Yum-Yum, who now patrol our place vigilantly.

The side effect of all this mouse-freedom, however, is that these two cats are pooping machines. And the stuff they poop puts off a vile stink that assaults your nose like a right cross. Head toward the catbox at an inopportune time, and it's lights out, amigo.

I get home two hours before my wife every day, and when I walk in the door it's my job to make a beeline for the crudbunker and unearth all the day's poo. And I'm sick to death of it. Seriously. It's infected my brain. There's this bulletin board at work with pictures of new employees on it. The sign above says "NEW FACES," and I swear I walked past it yesterday and thought it said "NEW FECES."

I've always had trouble comprehending how anyone could keep a dog in a city apartment. All those "walkies" at inopportune times and in inclement weather just never registered as worth the effort. But I have to tell you, as our Poop Quotient spirals out of control (yes, TwoBert, I'm looking at you), the idea of keeping the poo out there, instead of in here, looks awfully appealing.

Comments

[Mom101]

Whenever I see someone say "parentblogs always talk about poop" my standard answer is that in the hands of, say, David Sedaris, who wouldn't want to read about poop?

I think I'm going to start using your name instead.

[Jessie Mae]

I have a cat and a dog, and I would pretty much always rather deal with the dog's poop than the cat's.

[evan]

Poor old cat... Suppose it was a sort of social Darwinism at work? Just wondering.

Blop on.

[birchsprite]

A do do blop

hooray

[Kyran]

I was thinking maybe our second cat was just especially stinky, but now I guess it is an exponential stink. Two pooping cats don't smell twice as bad as one; they smell four times as bad.

[stephanie brown]

2 cats stink. 3 cats means you no longer run your househould. i would suggest never deciding to adopt that 3rd...it just takes it over the top.

[LOD]

I once went to a woman's apartment for a piano lesson and found she had nine cats -- and nine catboxes.

She was later hired as a consultant at Gitmo.

[anne]

You write very well - thanks for sharing your hilarious and heart-tugging adventures in parenthood!

[De in D.C.]

Note - my cat experience is relatively limited, given that I moved into a dog household 8yrs ago and the dog is still kickin' it.

I don't know what you're feeding, but you might try switching to a super premium food or feeding a partially raw diet. With my dog, her poops stank the worst when she was eating a lesser quality food. Pets generally eat less of the expensive foods (since they're more nutrient-dense) so the costs almost balance out. And with my dog, her health issues dropped significantly, so I saved a shitload of money on vet fees.

Maybe a cat owner can chime in with a style of litter box or a specific brand of litter that's proven to help.

[Maren]

Ahem, I am that cat owner, with a specific style of litter box and a specific brand that is proven to help.

The litter: Arm and Hammer Odor Alert. (Or really ANY Arm and Hammer brand.)

The litter box: the giant ones that have two halves and those little slots that have some sort of odor absorbing panels. You will know what I mean when you see this in a pet shop or the pet aisle of K-Mart. (Not that I have any idea how well-stocked the K-Mart in your neck of the woods is, you crazy New Yorker, you; I just know there is one.)

Buy the liners for the size of the litter box and, when the daily scooping gets to be too much, instant trash bag. Scooping twice a day also helps tremendously...but once is pretty much mandatory...get behind, and it is awful.

Also, more than one litter box will help *tremendously*, if you have room. (Ha!) Kittens are poop machines...it will get better once they get older.

[struglas]

if parents having nothing else in common but shit stories at least we have that. and we will always commiserate about shit. on evry level.

[pnuts mama]

i don't know...we have two cats and they are sisters, eat the same thing, and are rapidly approaching middle age...their shit still stinks. and their boxes are in my basement! depending on where you are sitting in the house it wafts towards you and- phew!

my only hope is that you have an arc planned out for the blop and nov. 30ths post is your glorious announcement of toilet training the cats. that would be awesome. i'm just saying.

[Juno]

http://www.litter-robot.com/

It may look like darth vader's head, but it cleans itself and drops the stuff neatly out of sight. If you can find room for it - it is admittedly huge - you'll find it a completely justifiable expense. Had mine for 4 years. Thing is genius.

You empty it once a week. Maybe twice with two cats.

[FeeFiFoto]

Princess Blossom Pepper Doodle Von Yum-Yum

That is the bestest name ever ever in the history of names. How does it fit on he collar tag?

[E]

I am sensing an episode of "Dirty Jobs".

[christa]

I agree that the litter robot/arm and hammer multicat litter combo is most awesome. The robot is expensive, but worth it's weight in gold.

[samantha Jo Campen]

I like Swheat Scoop litter. It's clumping, biodegradable and all natural. People comment all the time that they can't tell we have two cats (and we live in an apartment) because of the awesome odor control. And people have switched to this litter and say they will never go back.

Just be careful if you get a covered/dome litter box. The cover is for us, not the cats. It keeps the odor IN and cat's have a way more sensitive nose than we do. If they don't like the smell in there, they may go someplace else (read: anywhere else in your apartment). I was a vet tech for a few years and if we got an owner in with a complaint about kitty not using the box, the majority of the time the lid needed to come off and it needed to get scooped more.

But yeah, sometimes certain animals just have stinky poo no matter what. Good luck, and enjoy the weather now when you can open your windows! :-)

[Helen]

While we were house hunting we lived with our in-laws--two people, three cats and a litter box in one room, so I sympathize. Now there are three kids, two dogs and only 1 cat but poop is still dominating our existence.

[Kristie]

I have 3 cats, and talk about a poop bomb going off every single day. Without fail. Thankfully, the poop cleaning is not my job!

[She Likes Purple]

Your posts are great. I imagine I won't show it to my husband though as a pro for getting a cat.

[BigGUM]

Just wanted to comment that you may want to make sure your cats are eating a high-quality cat food. Nothing stinks worse than cat poop from cats eating that supermarket stuff. You don't need the super-pricey food they sell at the vet's office, but a good natural cat food (like Nutro Max) will help a lot.
Also, if possible, try to have your cat box in a ventilated area. Too little airflow will just concentrate the stink.
Good luck!

[Jonah Lisa]

Great blop. Been calling it the crudbunker ever since I read this.

[HeidiHo]

Another suggestion would be to train the cats to use your loo. They can do it!! If they can use a litter tray competently then they can also use a toilet. That way, all you have to do is flush and the water cuts the smell quite a bit. Saves you lots of litter as well...

http://www.citikitty.com/

[tammie lewis]

i have the litter robot and think it is AWESOME but i've also only had adult cats until the new addition to the family. After much research I am finding that apparently kitten poo stinks alot worse than adult cat due to immature digestive systems. Even the litter robot is no match for this ferocious smelling poo. Yes, I feed him high quality, ridculously expensive cat food! I think it's just something you have to deal with until they mature. sorry, i feel your pain!