Super-size me

I've been reading a lot about Blog Issues lately, and one that has resurfaced often is advertising. I used to shake my fist at the inexorable ad creep that burrows its way everywhere, but now I'm ready to let my lungs fill with water and acknowledge that advertising, although sucktastic, is the way of the world. It's everywhere, it's not going away, and my children will soon be of dream target age. So it falls to my wife and me to explain what it is and what it's trying to do, and maybe my sons will understand how and why they're being manipulated.

Ads on blogs don't bother me, and not just because I'm a Federated Medium. Frankly, they're so ubiquitous that regarding them is a lot like living next to the railroad tracks. The trains go by so often that sooner or later, you don't even notice them.

One thing, though: Those transparent pop-up things? The ones where you have to search for the well-disguised "close" button? That shit has got to stop, because it's fucking annoying.

As long as we're talking about marketing, I'm starting to wonder about that sandwich franchise that rhymes with (and may soon change its  name to) Tubway. Isn't this the company that built its entire image on sensible eating? That prided itself as the anti-McDonald's by centering its ads around a former blob who slimmed down on a diet of bread and cold cuts?

This same company is now selling "super-stuffed" bread balls using absolutely revolting footage of the many revolting ways that revolting people can eat them, revoltingly. The biggest joke is the tiny woman who apparently finishes this immense foodlump in one sitting. If she had somehow summoned the stamina to sock this entire thing away in one go (and suddenly my mind is filled with the images like this one), she wouldn't lick her fingertips so damned perkily. She would instead be staring forward, hazily, begging for the sweet release of death. McDonald's should fire back with a new campaign: "At least our food isn't bigger than your head."

It's a curious marketing tack, but it seems to be working because my neighborhood is infested with new franchises. Including the new one around the corner, which has become a fun little puzzle. Twice over the past couple of weeks I've arrived twice in the middle of the day to find it closed and empty, even though the sandwich board is still on the sidewalk urging us to Come On In. This other time, I walked in with the boys and found no one behind the counter. So I looked down the little corridor toward the rest room and found a dude in a chair, head on the table, fast asleep. Nothing roused him, so we grabbed a cup of ice water and left.

Maybe he was in a meat coma.

Comments

[zeekster]

I was a "Sandwich Artist" at one their locations for exactly 3 weeks. Worst ... job ... ever.

[Marie]

I read on another blog recently that Subway has a very rigorous training program for its associates (or whatever over-inflated name they have for their sub-makers). I find it hard to believe, myself. When the one near us opened, my husband ordered a sandwich with swiss cheese on it. The sub chick was dumb-founded. "It's the one with the holes," my hub saved her.

DOH!

[I, Rodius]

That's what's interesting about the "Legislate to force companies to sell healthy foods" initiative. A huge segment of the population (the segment that's huge) want giant portions of gooey, cheesy, meat. So in order to fulfill the corporate culture mandate to ever and always increase sales, even the best intentioned company sooner or later must cater to that desire in consumers. We want to force other people to make healthy choices, but we still want to be able to get that super-stuffed ball of meat ourselves. You know, every now and then.

[Flydaddy]

Actually, it's 'legislate to force companies to sell foods without easily replaceable, yet exceedingly unhealthful ingredients to a largely unwary public.' I don't know about you, but I don't have time to be a nutritionist in addition to my actual life, and I welcome the assistance. If I have to decide who chooses what's allowed into my food, I'll take the side that's not trying to sell me something every time...

[21stCenturyMom]

Advertising is in an interesting phase or its evolution right now. There is no need at all to watch them on TV so now we have to pay 10 bucks to get into a movie only to be subjected to the same ads we fast forward through on our DVRs. Bummer.

The left coast has not yet been subjected to giant stuffed meat balls or whatever they are. I'm sure they will roll over us, soon.

[Mitch McDad]

I find blog ads revolting and obscene. I am launching a campaign to eliminate them from the internet. This shameless watering down of blog real estate must be stopped.

This comment is sponsored by Valtrex. Take charge. Once daily Valtrex may be right for you. Side effects include explosive diarrhea and shingles.

[Little Bird]

I'm just amused by the fact that a sandwich shop had a sandwich board. But then I'm easily amused.

[E]

Quiznos makes gigoonda sandwiches too but they taste good.

[spain dad]

I'm an American, and I've been living in Madrid, Spain for the last four years. One of the things I've appreciated about living in Spain is the number of family-owned restaurants and bars where people patronize these places because of the quality of their food and because of the relationships they have with the owners or the clientele.

Starbucks is everywhere in Madrid now, and unlike most of my American friends, I don't go there often. In fact, it makes me sad, even angry to see the people here in Spain choosing American coffee over Spanish café con leche simply because the advertisements tell them its better.

Oh, and we have Subway too.

[Lucy Dee]

I used to work at a Starbucks... not. so. bad. In fact, it. was. okay.

First time at your blog. Nice. But I'm sure you already know that, seeing as you have legions of fans!

[Mom101]

I once worked on a pitch for Subway (in my "sucktastic" advertising job) and let me tell you, their franchising tactics are abhorrent. It's the easiest and cheapest chain to franchise so they can nab the immigrants and suckers, but then don't restrict how many are on any one block or neighborhood so the franchisees lose their shirts. It's like the world's biggest pyramid scheme.

But HEY! They have big bread balls! Let's go there for lunch!

[BOSSY]

Bossy is sorry but - hello? You mean to say that somewhere out here advertisements aren't simply Those Things To Be Ignored?

When Bossy reads blogs she ignores them and as luck WOULD NOT have it her readers seem to ignore Bossy's.

[Kati]

NPR's This American Life did a story about a person unexpectedly thrust into managing a sandwich shop...even though the owners had given up and stopped buying supplies or supporting the store at all. funny! http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=287

[cry it out!]

I thought I heard someone come in. I was sleepy that day. Sorry...

Mike

[bitsy parker]

This is my first time at your site, and man, you are the cool guy. I'll be doing a daily stalk. Thanks for having a brain.