Suburban dissed

So did you see Melissa on the Today show on Friday? As luck would have it, I was home on Friday (tending to two boys who were setting new benchmarks in gastric turbulence), so I turned on the TV at around 7:30. From the moment they started with the teasers, you knew right away how they wanted to frame the discussion. And that Melissa was screwed.

• In one teaser, a talking head said "women who have cocktails during playdates" with the same disdainful incredulity you might use to say "women who pick scabs off their dogs and eat them."
• Meredith Vieira begins the piece: "Whether you call it 'tots and tonic,' 'cocktails and chaos,' or 'booze and babies'...." Funny. I've never called it any of those things. Nor would anyone with an attached brain stem.
• "And it's got everyone buzzing." I'm not buzzing. Doesn't "everyone" include me?
• Lots of b-roll of clinking wine glasses, unfocused shots (it's DrunkVision!), and kids sitting precariously close to open wine bottles.
• Here to personify our indignance is Dr. Elegant Pantsuit, a credentialed professional and mother of four. And here to champion drunk, depressed, inept parents is ... a blogger.
• They seated Melissa on the outside, so that when the time came to sandbag her about drinking baby sitters, Meredith and Dr. Pantsuit could fix her with j'accusing looks.

I can't believe Melissa would have agreed to be on the show if the producers had been entirely truthful about the tone of the piece. Yet she held her own as well as she could in the face of this stacked deck (although she may have lost the room with the "sell my son on eBay" joke). But in the end they flew her in to be a pinata on national TV, in yet another ham-fisted attempt to wedge a complex discussion into four minutes of pap. (That fourth hour is going to be just magical.)

A few years ago, I had the singularly unpleasant experience of participating in a blog called Opinionated Parenting, in which a mom and I "discussed" differing beliefs on several parenting issues. Most of our views weren't all that different, yet the Oxygen people told us to select the most polarizing topics and have at each other, for entertainment's sake. The result was a bunch of obnoxious screeds that no one read and that rightfully died as soon as our contracts ran out (which was several weeks too long). It remains the most regrettable experience of my blogging life, and if I hadn't needed the money to pay for Robert's first year of preschool, I couldn't think on the experience without gouging my eyes with a spork.

And fwiw: Over the weekend I brought the boys to my sister's house for a playdate with their cousin, and over the course of eight (8) hours I had two (2) beers. It's a wonder no one was crippled.

What are the lessons here?

• You can't trust big media. They need to stir up trouble and then cover it in order to feed the content machine.
• If you're a male care-giver, you get a free pass. 'Cause all men can handle their liquor, and all women should be Mary Poppins.
• If you feel the need to judge other people, or marriages, or parents, don't.

Comments

[Mrs. Kennedy]

You said it better than me.

[ben]

Wait - only women are allowed to watch the kids?

I guess I was drunk when they covered that in Parenting class. Oops.

[Catie]

Amen.

That was the single-handedly most biased, moronic bunch of hooey I have ever seen. Poor Melissa would have needed an hour to go off on those people sufficiently. I was in pain right along with her.

Bah.

[birdgal]

Whose idea was it to add a FOURTH hour to a program that is entirely too long already? I guess they need more time to make up new 'trends' (my grandparents were all about the highball when the grandkids came over to run amuck) and create more conflict that doesn't really need to exist.

[wood from sweetjuniper]

hear, hear!

[alice]

You said it better than me, too. Jerk.

[Mrs. Davis]

Dr. Elegant Pantsuit - heh. She was from the Condi Rice School of Sticking To Your Talking Points.

The Today show has gotten so sensational in the last few years. Another hour is just what they need to serve up more nonsense.

[Anita]

A-frickin'-men

or

A-frickin'-women.

Whichever one is going to come over with his/her child and a bottle of wine to hang out with dh and me on a playdate.

[Helen]

I didn't see it, but I do remember that a long, long time ago one of my professors advised us that if we were, for some reason, ever asked to appear on t.v. on one of those shows to turn it down because they sensationalize everything and edit you the way they want. I hate the view that 'controversy' gets attention, thus ratings so anything is fair game. Sounds like they were trying to build a buzz, but it fizzled. Good of you to stick up for her. Go, LOD.

[mom on a wire]

The whole "tots and tonic" set-up is what did it for me. At that point I knew Melissa would be lambasted. And that Meredith needs a new writer. That piece made my ears bleed.

[Kyran]

Nicely done, LOD. And gallant. :) The whole episode has taken on a Sharks vs Jets vibe, hasn't it?

Beyond the parsing of this particular issue, I would like to see some in-depth commentary on the bigger picture: what happens now that we "amateurs" are out there mixing it up with the mainstream media. both sides have something the other wants. who is playing who? anybody know of a place where that discussion is happening, let me know.

[Nothing But Bonfires]

Oh, that Dr. Elegant Pantsuit! I couldn't stop shouting at her, but obviously she couldn't hear me. I like to think it was more to do with the fact that she couldn't hear ANYTHING over her self-righteousness, but more likely it was just that she was on TV and I was in my living room. But still.

[You can call me, Sir]

Yes, the interview was indeed a giant load of poo-poo. But what more are we to expect from such paragons of craptastic morning entertainment? I mean, Today is certainly no The View. And as far as the veiled insinuation about guys being the responsible ones, let's be serious...you, yourself, are obviously feeding your children Bunyun-esque spoonfuls of ipecac to induce olympian feats of horking just...for...the entertainment. How dare you, sir. But the entertainment is appreciated.

[21stCenturyMom]

I thought of her as Dr. StickUpTheButt but I like your description better.

Melissa did really, really well with them. In fact, I think she made them look really stupid in oh so many ways.

[MelissaS]

Thankfully I didn't see any of the teasers. I did wince when Meredith did her introduction also when the playgroup piece aired.

Kyran said, "Beyond the parsing of this particular issue, I would like to see some in-depth commentary on the bigger picture: what happens now that we "amateurs" are out there mixing it up with the mainstream media. both sides have something the other wants. Who is playing who?"

I am so interested to hear this part of this. I have a feeling at this point NBC/Today is just happy to have the buzz. But I wonder how this will play out over the next 5-10 years.

(Still have not heard from the producer of my piece.)

[TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre]

Right about now I'm thinkin a glass or two of wine sounds fabulous. Oh but I have kids in the house. They might get really rowdy and decide to bathe or something. With soap.

My lesson learned? When NBC comes beating down MY door to have me on their show because I'm such the amazing blogger and mom, I will turn them down FLAT.

[emjaybee]

Melissa, I want you to know I am watching my infant son ALONE and drinking a big ol' bottle of BEER OH MY GOD right now.

I toast you, virtually. Later I plan on passing out and not hearing his crying in the night, because I am a drunken, horrible mother.

Oh wait...

[Suzanne]

Come on, there were some good times at the OP. You must have at least a few positive memories of hurling one-liners my way...

[pnuts mama]

"Funny. I've never called it any of those things. Nor would anyone with an attached brain stem.": right on, LOD.

"If you're a male care-giver, you get a free pass. 'Cause all men can handle their liquor, and all women should be Mary Poppins.": it could be because of that auxillary liver that I've been hearing so much about lately.

The whole thing about "Dr. Columbia University" that pissed me off so much was her being touted as an expert (in what field of psychology?) as she clearly lacks any expertise in the field of drug and alcohol abuse and/or counseling. according to her website, her specialty seems to be in teaching people how to be 'life-coaches'. wtf has happened to Columbia? if I had the time I'd get on their site and see just what the hell she teaches and has published, but I have to let this go. any decent psychologist or psychiatrist in the field or in academia can quickly discern the difference between someone who drinks socially, someone who is on the brink of developing a problem with alcohol, and someone who is an alcoholic. for lack of a better term, that nbc-proclaimed expert just royally pissed me off!

that whole sh*tstorm just makes cookie monster and the gang look even better to keep us company in the mornings.

[Devra Renner]

I guess the Today Show would have been agape and aghast if I shared with them that I drink Bailey's from a "Muppets In Space" jelly jar glass.

I also believe that MOM sometimes stands for My Own Martini (Margarita, Migraine, Marveous Motherhood-you can fill in your own M) on your own terms with your own family.

Now who wants to drink to that?

[Mark]

It might be well worth it to touch base with RebelDad on the subject of mixing bloggers and the mainstream media -- he's been a guest blogger on the Washington Post's "On Balance" blog for several months now. I'll confess, I haven't kept up with it as much as I maybe should primarily because the Post's audience (and the regular blogger as well, Leslie Morgan Steiner) are both cut from that polarizing, contentious, polar extremes cloth as LOD's Opinionated Parenting experience. But I know he's made a conscious effort to moderate that tone in all of his posts, so maybe over time there's been more sanity added to that bunch. I'd hate to think of these encounters between bloggers and the mainstream folks being another excuse for the lunatic fringe to pipe up.

[Kris]

Very well said, LOD!
I remember when interviewing for the oxygen gig, thinking that kind of forum would never last. FWIW, I thought all of your posts there were funny. Even though the format sucked, you did contribute significant entertainment value!

[LOD]

Thanks, Kris. Even so, thinking about the experience makes me feel dirty, like I'm covered in rancid bacon grease.

Not because of Suzanne (who is great), but because I was paid to feed the furnace of judgmental parenting (as the blog should have been called), when I should have been trying to extinguish it. Parenting is hard enough without strangers getting in your face about it.

[dorothy]

I've seen a lot around the blogosphere about Melissa's appearance, and though I don't know her, I'm sure she's a good sort. I had a little pang in my gut when I heard she was going to be on TV talking about that topic, because of course she would be judged for being authentic. Parents' number one credo these days seems to be "project perfection," and that's why I love the bloggers - not afraid to admit the truth. Way to stick up for one of your own.

[MammaLoves]

Where were the La Leche women who have actually suggested a beer while nursing to calm down both mommy and baby?

Are we really that hard up for "news." Shoot, hasn't Brittany gone pantiless yet this week?

[Mom101]

Bravo!

I didn't catch the whole preamble about "whether you call it..." Pure evil genius. I am still wondering whether this is really "a new trend" as they called it, or "a slow media week."

[jenB]

Yeah! Men and their superior livers and penis ownership! Drink all you want, watch football, and take care of the kids. No one will ever discuss it on the TODAY show. bah.

Well said lod. :-)

[MelissaS]

Rancid Bacon Grease? Was that what you were wearing last week? I'd never have guessed that.

[Trish]

Holy Crap!

*I* too drink Bailey's out of my kids' "Muppets in Space" jelly jar. Nothing but tres chic around Chez Nous!

Margaritas also fit nicely in a jelly jar, but I prefer those in the Dragontales jar...bigger rim...more salt, you know.

People need to lighten up, for Pete's sake. It's a martini, not crack!!! Geez.

Trish