Wobegon-athon (and on ... )
You would think that, on a prolonged odyssey through the Minnesota woods (where the mosquitoes are so big they wear license plates), you would not find a tony interior design studio complete with an espresso bar and free wireless access. And you would be wrong. I have about ten minutes here while the boys are burning off a little pent-up energy and running laps around the car; after a week of drinking dishwater, I have a cup of Ethiopian dark roast and access to e-mail. The world is starting to make sense again.
There's a lot to say about our lake-hopping extravapalooza, too much to go into much detail now. The main story his TwoBert, whose fevers started to spike higher and who greeted a recent morning with a glassy-eyed stupor. We took him to a local hospital, where a very nice and seemingly capable doctor who nonetheless looked a lot like Mortimer Snerd diagnosed a "red-hot" ear infection. TwoBert has been on Zithro for a week and is back to his normal diet of 1) Anything I'm Eating and 2) the crayons provided by all the kid-friendly cafes we've been patronizing. He hasn't had a BM for three days, so we're getting ready for him to crap a wax rainbow.
We are immersed in Lake Culture, and its discussions of frontage and curly-leaf pondweed and Eurasian milfoil. We're also immersed in ourselves, trapped together in our Ford Fusion for hours at a time. This might be having an adverse effect on our relationship as a family. The other day we took a wrong turn and temporarily lost track of wherever the hell we were, and Robert piped up with "Great, Daddy. We're lost ... with you."
And now I must go. I've just been told that the wax rainbow is upon us.
So welcome to the Minnesota woods! Particularly now when triple-digit temps will be keeping those milfoil-choked 10,000 lakes at a low and fetid simmer. As Jane Austen said, "What dreadful hot weather we have. It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance;" perhaps sampling some refreshing iced dishwater would be order for the duration of this current mosquito-breeding humid patch we're in.
Good luck with the rainbow.
Posted by: Rick | July 13, 2006 at 10:41
Oh holy Minnesota, I have found my new exclamation for moments of work-related frustration -- "Well, if that doesn't just crap a wax rainbow," etc. ROTFLMLawyerlyAO...good luck with the real thing!
Posted by: emily | July 13, 2006 at 13:01
I wonder if there's going to be a "pot of gold" at the end of that rainbow...
Posted by: Tony | July 13, 2006 at 13:55
OBSERVATIONS......Trips with children take at least twice as long as in an empty car....Daddies never get lost, they just prefer the "scenic route"....Kids always get sick or hurt themselves on trips, especially in the middle of nowhere. Hope the little guy is all fixed.
Posted by: Yomama | July 13, 2006 at 16:21
I'll be interested to hear how the whole wax rainbow thing worked out. Hope your little guy is feeling better soon. Love your blog!
Posted by: Jill Urbane, The Mentor Mom | July 13, 2006 at 17:24
I love the visual of a crapping wax rainbow!
Posted by: liz | July 13, 2006 at 19:18
Now your boys can site specific examples of childhood torture to their therapists later. Road trips always topped my list. Er, would top my list...if I had a therapist. I'm just sayin'
Posted by: Shannon | July 13, 2006 at 22:04
You'll feel better after you have some hot dish and a few bars. If you're lucky maybe you can get some lefse!
"crap a wax rainbow" - classic!
Posted by: nancy | July 13, 2006 at 23:41
I guess Fusion is taking on a whole new meaning. Good luck! I seem to remember this kind of trip fondly, so I'm sure it will turn out well in the end. Say hi to the Mystery Spot (or whatever it's called) in the Dells on your way back.
Posted by: Effective Nancy | July 14, 2006 at 07:39
Commonly heard while the kids are "pooper scooping" the backyard- "The dog's been eating crayons again." If it's good enough for TwoBert, I'm not worrying about Tart and Bijoux anymore.
Posted by: Lisa V | July 14, 2006 at 11:18
Ewwwww.
Posted by: abogada | July 14, 2006 at 12:47
Are we there YET? Boy do you wax poetic on the road. Thanks for the laugh.
Posted by: Ned | July 14, 2006 at 13:24
Add in some Blue Gatorade and you can have some blue sky with that rainbow.
Posted by: Genuine | July 14, 2006 at 15:05
I hope you took pictures of that wax rainbow.
Posted by: Chaz | July 14, 2006 at 15:44
Some things you should know about Minnesota
-- A"Crappie" is a fish and it is pronounced 'crop-ie'...
Where you are is probably "up north" at "the lake" -- which is pretty much anything north of the Twin Cities.
Avoid 94 and 35 outbound from the Twin Cities on Friday afternoon and inbound to the Twin Cities on Sunday night... other times are fine.
If you get to Lake Superior, teach the boy how to skip a rock...
Posted by: Philosophy Factory | July 14, 2006 at 21:56
ya know, those Crayolas say "non-toxic" before they go in. Coming out in the rainbow,....well, uh, I'm not so sure!
At least that was artistic and not painful.
My nephew ate sand and screamed all 6 hours home from Florida!!
Posted by: jenny | July 14, 2006 at 23:25
Ah, the bright shining beacon of free wireless Internet while on the road! I stayed in some godawful places while driving across the country last month just because they'd allow me to pull of the freeway and attach myself to my computer again. It's become an obsession.
Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires | July 15, 2006 at 21:40
Pull OFF. Pull off, pull off, pull off.
Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires | July 15, 2006 at 21:41
My own kid is bawling this morning with the same plumbing problem. I feel like I'm coaching him through birth, "Just push and breathe. Push and breathe...."
Good luck, and be sure to take a picture.
Posted by: Tiffany | July 16, 2006 at 12:37
"Great, Daddy. We're lost ... with you."
LOL
That's freakin' hysterical.
I'm sure that you'll laugh about it later.
Posted by: Papa Bradstein | July 16, 2006 at 20:46