Damn you and your infernal treacle!

I thought I could quit you, Olympics. Everyone did. Ratings were down, and you were getting killed by "Desperate Housewives" and "American Idol." Sure, we tuned in for the curling, because that's what the cool kids watch, and my son really liked the men's and women's "finger skating."  You let us ogle the Hookers On Ice ice dancers and then cringe as so many fell on their fannies. And you put on one helluva hockey final.

For the most part, though, I drew strength from aloofness and judgment. Big Bad Bode took an oh-fer. That blonde chick in all the adverts hotdogged it, then denied she hotdogged it, then admitted she hotdogged it. Speedskaters squabbled. Americans won 25 medals, but 7 of them were for snowboarding, a concession made by a reluctant IOC to rope in the stoner crowd that's so ape-crazy over the X Games.

"Feh," I said. "Feh" and "double-feh."

But then you got me. You rigged it so that Italian guy won the last race, the 50-billion-meter cross country, and he got his gold medal from his sister in the middle of the home crowd at the closing ceremonies. Tens of thousands sang along with his anthem, which sounded an awful lot like the inspiration for "Bohemian Rhapsody."

You taunted me for a while, when a bunch of Pagliaccis sang "Y-M-C-A" for no apparent reason. But then came the topper, when the mayor of Vancouver, a quadriplegic, took the Olympic flag and waved it 8 times with that special waving gizmo attached to his wheelchair. Arrgh! My heart is stirring! I am moved by the triumph of the human spirit!

You've won this round, Olympics. Once again I weep at your spectacle, and you leave me wanting more. I feel so ... dirty.

Comments

[Katherine]

You captured the whole nasty spectacle perfectly. In fact, I am awarding YOU the Gold medal for your perfect, unbeatable interpretation of the Olympic wrapup/closing ceremony hoo ha.

[Scully]

Being unemployed has had its advantages the last two weeks. I got up every morning between 5:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. and watched Olympics.

I'm a Canadian and a Vancouverite (though in exile in Alberta) and I sobbed during the closing ceremonies part.

And aren't the Canadian women just the best?

And honestly, the NHL should stay out of the Olympics. Hockey should be open to amateurs and amateurs only. But then again, the way the Vancouver Canucks play, well they'd made the amateur status.

I'm in Olympic withdrawal right now. When does baseball start?

[OHV]

Also a Canadian, and a Vancouverite, currently living about 3 hours from downtown Van. I heard that the device the Mayor used to wave the flag was built by engineers that work for the City, and the mayor practiced in the evenings at City Hall.

And yes, Canadian women are just the best. :)

[Arwen]

Y'know, I can't go anywhere without finding other Vancouverites! We're everywhere. I live right in downtown Vancouver, and I love the Olympics: although, I must admit I'm a little nervous at four million people coming through my neighbourhood...

[jaime]

the olympics totally had me at hello. the only sad part is that i wasn't able to glue myself to them like i could last time for the summers. but god i love the olympics. there's something about the obscure olympics-only sports (bobsled, curling, biathalon) that gets me. biathalon - they ski, and they shoot. it's so primal. like what norwegians used to have to do for food. or something.

[Lisa]

Ain't it the TRUTH? Damn those bastard games. They nip and chew at every ounce of cynicism in our systems. We were belly up to the TV last night too--LOATHE to miss a moment of the finale. Hooray for you for admitting it!

[Ashby]

I was actually hoping to get pulled in, but it never happened. And now I know why: I'm a calloused bastard.

[Zach]

A 'calloused bastard'?

I'm not touching that one. In every sense.

[Melissa]

I'm with you. I could have done without it this time. I was so bored. I am so glad it is over. My daughter has decided she wants to be a figure skater now, which kind of pains me.

[Susie]

Oh God between the clown car marching band and the Amelia Earhart gaggle singing YMCA, I was waiting for Alfred Hitchcock to show up. Freak show.

[heather]

Hey! Hi other Vancouverites! We are so damn cool, all reading LOD.

Oh, hi, LOD ;)

This was actually THE FIRST YEAR i cared about the olympics. Why? I don't know. I didn't care much about the Vancouver bid back in 200...something... when we made it. But I found myself watching events live over the past few weeks, AND watching the recaps later, AND (!!) talking about them with other PEOPLE!

I guess I'd better hold on to this ... enthusiasm... lest I get lynched in 2010, for being a sourpuss in my own city.

But it'll be nice to know that you'll be watching :)
(^ not creepy)

[madness]

I was enthralled. And winter sports baffle me. They seem so much more dangerous than most. I loved every second from the Apolo OhNoHe'sSoHot drama with the orange-haired Korean dude (You got served, Ahn Hyun-Soo! In the 500m at least) to the Russian skating pair where he came back from trying to crack the ice with her face to win gold! to the fall-down triple-lutz off between the boxy Russian chick in the pantsuit that has to win skating competitions to medicate her ill mother and the corona del mar anorexic with the large head and hate in her eyes . . . ooooo bliss! How bout the dog pile at the start of the cross country event and Bob Costas with those lame bangs . . .bangs? Or the Dutch orange fan crew that got their hands on Wisconsin cheese head hats and probably thought, "These are cool." Lord, give me more. Just a little more . . .

[Amy]

What I didn't get, among other seemingly random music choices (YMCA) was Ricky Martin...I understood the Andre Bocceli (sp?) choice because he's ITALIAN. And Avril Lavigne b/c she's CANADIAN...but Ricky Martin? And he was totally lip syncing.