Who's watching whom?

By all rights the Slingbox, which takes your cable or satellite television signal and sends it via the Internet to your PC, is pretty cool. Basically, you can watch the TV in your living room from anywhere in the world, as long as you have web access strong enough to sustain streaming video. Anyone who follows tech trends could probably chalk this up as inevitable, because TV signals are stalking us. They're in your iPod, your PDA, your laptop--and soon, the cathode tentacles will reach into your SmartPhone. And that's fine, I suppose. Nothing spices up your commute like having to slalom through a bunch of oblivious twits bouncing off each other and yelling at that stupid woman to stop spinning and guess the friggin' puzzle already.

Predictably, there are more nefarious motives afoot. A colleague of mine with a 9-month-old son has plugged her Slingbox into a hidden webcam in her apartment, and she uses it to spy on her oblivious nanny during the day. I'm still forming my overall view of this. Lawyer friends tell me it's perfectly legal in New York state, but the whole business still gives me the creeps. Questions abound:

• Does your nanny give up her right to personal privacy when you entrust your child in her care?
• Is it prudent or paranoid to want to keep an eye on the stranger who has free reign in your home for ten hours a day?
• Does your relationship with your nanny change if you see her naked?
• Why the hell was she walking around naked in the first place?
• Is she some sort of exhibitionist?
• Why doesn't this webcam have a better zoom lens?

And most importantly: If you're a working parent and you can pick up one of these gizmos for around $250, do you want one?

Comments

[yvonne]

There is no expectation of privacy when you are watching my children. I would hide in the closet and spy all day if I thought my bladder would last. When do these things come to Canada???

[Kal]

If you need to spy on your child's care-giver, you need to get another care-giver. It's a two way street, they're involved in raising and shaping your kids too and you should be a team that trusts each other.

[Betty]

Granted, you should feel comfy enough with your hired help to trust them. However, I can see the point to spying. As a parent, there is always that continuous gut feeling that something might not be right.

But, aside from that- those things sound cool and I'd buy one if I could afford it!

[Rachel]

There is a webcam in my son's classroom at his child care facility. I don't see a difference in this and having one at home. I think it's a great thing, and if I were a child care provider, I would feel better about having it there.

[HollyRhea]

I think it's fine as long as you tell them you're watching.

I tell my husband I check the internet history for porn, which keeps him pretty honest.

[Tiana]

HollyRhea:

That's just assuming he doesn't know how to clear the history!

[Heather B.]

As a babysitter/former nanny, I would at least like to know that I'm being watched, but I guess that makes the whole thing kind of a moot point, there's no point in telling, when you're trying to catch someone doing something that they're not supposed to be doing. One would think though that parents have picked out someone that they trust to watch their children, therefore there should be no reason for the nanny cam. I would hope that the people I babysit for find me trustworthy enough not to have to spy on me.

[sac]

Depends on how hot the nanny is. No, even if she's really hot, I still would not install a camera and spy on her all day long. You can't control everything, people, and to even try to is a recipe for anxiety and even disaster. Just look at what happened to Oedipus Rex. An extreme example, perhaps, but still, this kind of thinking is why trick-or-treating and playing outside are waning childhood activities.

[Nothing But Bonfires]

God, better stop looking through cabinets for candy when I'm babysitting, I guess. You KNOW the organic dried fruit bites are always at the front and the Costco-sized sack of peanut M&Ms is hiding at the back.....

[Sandra]

TRUST but verify.

[The Other White Jason]

This is an issue that terrifies me. Yes, trust is important, but the stats on child abuse by people in positions of trust are scary (or seem scary. I admit some irrational thinking here). While I don't think it is unreasonable to set up a camera in the house, I would tell the sitter. What good is it to catch him or her abusing your child even once because they didn't know they could be being watched? Yes, you've caught them and can kill them with a clear concience, but I would rather prevent the incident in the first place.

Moot point for me. My son is watched by a sitter at her house. "N____, would you mind if I just set some cameras up around your home? I promise to turn them off when I pick up my boy."

[Mama Muse]

If I was in a position where I had to hire someone to watch my kids and I was not sure I trusted what was going on, I would use one of these - no problem. I would probably say something about using video surveillance in my initial ad, just to weed out the baby shakers and the nudists.

But my kids are old enough to tell me if anything happened that was not cool. If the nanny eats any of my hidden Halloween candy, for sure I’ll know and not just because I count the pieces before I leave and when I come home again. (kiddin’) For an infant or very young child I think the concern for inappropriate nannying is greater. When it comes to the safety of my kids, nothing is off limits.

[Amie]

I think the nanny/sitter has the right to be told. Also, in his book "Protecting the Gift" Gavin DeBecker suggests that if there is that much distrust where you feel you need to record your child's caregiver than get rid of them.

[LOD]

That's the main point--the nanny has to know. If it's OK to spy on an unwitting employee, then what's to keep any employer from setting up cameras in the bathroom? And who's to say they don't do so already? And what do those morally stunted pervs do with the pictures?

If my employer has the right to film me while I'm standing at the urinal while singing "Copacabana" at the top of my lungs, then the terrorists have already won.

[kate]

Yeah, I think its okay as long as they know you are watching. Also, why was she naked?

[Lisa]

I can tell you this much: Any nanny/babysitter who harms my kid wouldn't get a trial.

[Swedish Girl]

I've been filmed.

When I was baby-sitting three wee boys, the dad would suddenly appear brandishing a video-camera, normally when I was jumping around like a kangaroo with two kids attached to my back and one to my leg (they liked that game). Or when we were all dressed out like pirates and I looked mad.

It's not my privacy I'm worried about, it's my dignity.

[HollyRhea]

Tiana: he can clear the history, I can view the internet files. He can delete the internet files, I can view the cookies. he can delete the cookies, I can tell when he's lying.

i LOVE being married.

[Tina]

Absolutely you have the right to spy on the nanny. My feeling is that you are never more in danger than when you feel most secure. There are just too many stories of people who were so totally caught off guard by an inscrupulous care giver, for child or elder. I agree with the poster who said "Trust but verify."

[Brock]

I think that's the exact train of thought I would have followed if asking questions about these things.

[Zach]

What does it mean that when MY wife 'catches' me looking at porn, I just get an eyeroll?

[Mary]

I agree that it's okay to install a webcam in your home for use during the day when the nanny's there IF the webcam is in plain view AND the nanny has agreed to be on camera. Otherwise, I think it's wrong--morally if not legally--and if you distrust your nanny, you should replace her before trying to catch her in the act of doing something wrong.

People being unknowingly filmed--in any situation or under any circumstance--is just plain creepy.

[susie]

interesting stuff here. much ambivalence about this subject.

i'm a parent. and, i trust NO ONE. the most seemingly normal person can turn out to be a complete freak. one never knows.

i think when you interview a nanny, before she accepts the job, you should inform her there will be a hidden camera, and she should have to sign a waiver, if she still wants the job. this will weed out the freaks, absolve you of any deceiptfulness, and ensure the safety and well being of THE most important posession you will ever have.

so that's my two bits. and on the internet history thing? yeah, they can delete it. but remember this. where do you think all that deleted stuff goes? its rambling around in that computer somewhere. and theres some people out there who can find this deleted stuff. so if you're really serious about catching someone at something, rest assured, it's possible.

you know the scary thing? absolutely EVERY page you click on gets your IP address. so think about that. and if you buy a used computer, make sure it's been wiped clean. and don't sell your used computer to anyone unless you've had it wiped clean.

so if you click on porn, it will come back to haunt you. in the form of popups and ad's, and mysterious spam emails with sexually explicit content.

what else can i tell you. well, not much. that's about it. pretty daunting blog you have here mr laid off dad person. seems as if you have quite the following.

oh, yeah. TRUST NO ONE

[julia]

As a part-time nanny myself, I would hate to know my employers were secretly taping me, not because I'm doing anything wrong, but just because the thought of them watching me on some secret video creeps me out. I'm happy to provide references, submit to interviews and background checks, answer any questions you might have, spend time with the kids in your presence, etc. But be open about it--don't sneak around behind my back.

Being a nanny is really tricky--much trickier than working in a daycare or school--because the family really brings you into their home. Obviously that requires a lot of trust in the nanny on the part of the parents. If you think you can't handle putting that level of trust in a person, then perhaps having a nanny just isn't the right childcare arrangement for you, and you should put your kid in a daycare or some other situtation where you can have more control.

[Very Mom]

The first family I nannied for video-taped me. I never found the camera but I could tell by the way they'd comment on things that happened during the day that they wouldn't have known had they not been filming. It bugged me for a couple of reasons - when I needed to clean out my nose, well, were they watching? If I had ever had gas [which I didn't because of course I don't fart. Ever.], should I say "excuse me" even though the children were napping and I was alone in the kitchen?

It would have been nice to have been informed, kind of like "you will have a drug test but we won't say when!" but I do understand the paranoia. I had nothing to hide so it didn't bother me that much, but it certainly would have been nice to know which areas of the house [I lived with them in the nanny quarters] were safe to dig my underpants out from being wedged between my butt cheeks without wondering if my employer was showing the footage to his coworkers.

[Meghan]

As a former nanny, and current med student who picks up hours babysitting to help pad the student budget, I feel that it's a complete violation of trust.

Like Julia said, I interview, provide ample references and sign off for a background check. I also only sit for people who are personally referred to me, or me to them.

When other people's children are in your care, I believe that every moment should play out as if you were being watched. If I was clued in from the beginning, (something along the lines of "Just so you know, we have a nannycam set up that is rolling whenever we are out of the house" said during the initial interview) I might not be bothered. I could just accept it as that family's standard operating procedure, no problem. However, if I found that I was videotaped without my consent, I would let them know they could remove me from their call list, and I would be sure to inform anyone I had recommended to this family that this was going on.

If you're so unsure about the people you invite into your home, don't. Enroll your child in a preschool/daycare program that provieds webcams for parents.

[HollyRhea]

So after all that...here's the solution. You don't even have to read any of the other comments:

Don't pay the money for a camera thingy, just tell the nanny you have one. That will keep her honest and you don't REALLY have to tape her.

And delete the internet history! whee!

[Krissy]

I think that taping is fine as long as you tell the person that they are being taped. If they take the job knowing that that's part of the deal, then everyone is cool, and the people who find it creepy can pass. I always assume that someone is watching when I'm taking care of someone else's kids.

And if they feel the need to watch me pick my nose and fart when nobody else is around, it doesn't hurt me. Rewind and Play as much as you like, wierdo.

I think that wanting to make sure your kids are safe is normal, and thanks to video cameras we can see what goes on in a day, but I think that taping employees without their knowledge is sleezy.

[Prego]

You lost me at nanny. It wouldn't be an issue if they'd raise their own kids.

[Lisa]

Bravo Prego! I second that.

[Zach]

That's not always possible, Prego.

[Betsy]

I'm with everyone who thinks that the nannycam should be disclosed upfront, if one is to be had at all.

That being said, I hate the environment of distrust and paranoia that people live in today. What happened to throwing the kids outside to run over to the neighbor's house to see if Joey can come out and play? Why do I have to get stuck behind a school bus that stops every 10 feet because children are thought to be so incompetent that they don't know how to not get run over, and so can't all congregate at one central location? Drives me freaking nuts. Perhaps I'll feel differently once I have kids, but I was raised to be independent. We'd go out to play, and my mom would only realize that we had ridden our Big Wheels down the hill and were cavorting naked through our neighbor's sprinklers when the neighbor called her to collect us. Of course, I also moved to Tokyo when I was nine (having survived playing outside in St. Louis to reach that age), and there, elementary kids take the trains to school on their own, so maybe my idea of what kids can do on their own has been skewed by growing up with an awesome public transit system.

But, really, have people REALLY evolved to be that much more dangerous in the last twenty years? Was child abduction and what have you as prevalent then as it is now, but the media hadn't been reporting it? Which is to say, are we stymieing our kids' independence and chance for a care-free childhood because the media goes for sensationalism and has created a culture of fear, making people think that an isolated incident is mainstream and will totally and defnitely happen to YOU? Were we this paranoid 20 years ago and I just don't remember because I was four? It makes me sad.

[Meg]

Complete violation of trust if the nanny is unaware she is being taped. What if she changes her clothes in a filmed area while the kids are asleep in another room? Ugh, that's just creepy. What if she has to change her shirt because your kid flung pasta at her and she finally gets to clean up during their nap? What if you want to make sure your kids are okay when she bathes them? Can you put a camera in the bathroom? Oh my lord, as a former nanny of 3 or 4 years, the whole idea of it is completely repellent to me UNLESS you disclose the presence of the cameras.

That's your only way to PREVENT abuse, rather than just responding to it if you see it. And even then, are you going to cover every inch of your house in cameras?

And what is worth hassling your nanny over? Giving them candy before dinner? Letting them jump on the couch? Watching a video with them when you'd rather she read a story?

I have worked with kids most of my life and have many friends who are parents. I floated this past them, and everyone said EEEK, NO!

[Jess]

Pretty much every opinion has already been given, but I agree with the NOs. I am 21, with 10 years of babysitting/day care/camp counseling experience, and I would be horribly freaked out by the thought of people watching my every move. As some other posters said - check my references, give me a background check, spend some time with me and the kid(s) together - hell, you can even come over to my house and root through my Internet files if you want :) but no, I'm sorry, you may NOT film me. Even if the clients told me about it, I think I'd still end up acting really unnatural around the kids, knowing that my every move was being scrutinized and judged. Bottom line: If you don't trust me, don't hire me.

[nyc dad]

We have an isight in plain view and caught our help picking her nose repeatedly while holding our boy (and thats when he wasnt in the swing on high!). Best $200 bucks I ever spent.

[Shannon]

I am a full time nanny. I get the feeling that I am being recorded, but I am not sure. Should I ask the family? I have a major problem with it if they are! I would never harm a child or do anything the family would not want me doing, but I would feel that my privacy is being invaded. How do I bring the issue up without sounding like I am doing something wrong?