Buff Daddy, redux

About a month into the layoff, I was in serious Physical Exertion Withdrawal, because not only did the old gig have a massive, tricked-out gym, but they let me work out daily on company time. Chasing my 15-month-old around the park while he ricocheted off of things was a poor substitute, because let's face it, he was slow. My wife saw how irritable I was becoming and found a gym that despite its overall crappiness had three crucial attributes--it was close, cheap, and open 24/7. So I joined, and for a while my world made a little more sense.

Six weeks later the branch closed, and the surly gentleman with the tattooed scalp referred me to a slightly larger, slightly cleaner outfit three blocks farther away. And I never went once, because those were crosstown blocks goddammit and there was no way I was going to exert myself on my way to exerting myself.

Time passed. I spent a year stressed and broke, and another year (the first at my new job) stressed, slightly less broke, and wolfing down lots of free, carb-heavy food. Before too long, it became time to bust a moob, but even though I could afford another gym membership, I never had any time. As I've done so often over the past three years, I turned to my children.

Robert has served as my personal home gym for a while now. Mostly, I just bench-press his 46 flailing pounds while we're rough-housing. But I missed the high of a good run, and I'd pretty much given up on it. Then it hit me. There was a perfect way to spend more time with the kids and spend far less than I would for any gym membership: Buy the boy a bike!

As Robert learned not to look straight down while pedaling as if he were Manhattan's sole power source, I ran around like crazy, alerting passersby to the veering dervish I'd let loose on society. And I've lost five pounds.

More later, after I get my wind back.

Comments

[anne]

i've always thought people who put their children in charge of nagging them to quit smoking were very short-sighted; however, i put the boy in charge of nagging me to exercise and it works very well. except the time he flipped me out of my chair as part of his "drop and give me twenty" spiel, and i cracked my head on the tile. but other than that, i think they're excellent little dictators & should be put to work for good. i like your method even better: he doesn't even know he's pushing you.

[HollyRhea]

ha. "bust" a moob. hahaHA.

[Turtlellini]

AHAHAHAH! Don't wanna exert yourself on the way to exert yourself!! AHAH!! Moob!! AHAHA!! "More later when I get my wind back!" HAHAHAH!!! Beautiful.

I swear this could have been written by my husband! I could probably dig through my emails and find an exact match! Can't wait to send him the link.

I don't know how old your kids are, but my husband swindizzled his parents into buying one of those jogging strollers. He loves it, but he is WAY into bikes--and can hardly wait for the day when he can put the kid on a bike!

Yay for you!

[Scully]

Can I borrow Robert because lately I just look at the elliptical in my bedroom and think - you know, that would make a really nice quilt rack.

[Meg]

I used to do baby bench-pressing when I nannied. Between that and the chasing kids and dogs and playing on the trampoline with the older ones, I felt pretty worked over by the end of the day.

[madness]

When they're old enough to accept your Dance Off Challenge then we're talking 500 calories minimum.

[roo]

Hard to see the downside of having fun and losing weight at the same time-- what a smart solution! And it keeps your kid in shape too...

Rock on.

[Wende]

Yeah, you won't be getting your wind back.