The migratory patterns of the wet-chested warbler

When I put up my first post at the old domain, Robert was 15 months old and had already passed a lot of important firsts. He had teeth, he was walking and talking, and he'd eaten his first cake of soap. Thus, the world missed out on the early months, when little larva-children start studying things intently, and they laugh when you kiss them behind the ear, and they show the first signs of becoming something of a person.

Therefore, since TwoBert recently turned four months old, and Typepad tells me this is my 200th post (!) under its aegis, I thought I would devote this space to TwoBert's State of the Baby Address.

Four months is indeed a magic age, primarily because of the Cuteness. TwoBert's eyes, a deep blue that is slowly hazeling over, are still way too large for his fuzzy head, which has but a slim tonsure wending its way around the base of his neck. Imagine a fat-cheeked Peter Boyle cast as a Precious Moments figurine.

TwoBert is also learning that there's more to interact with than just my wife's breasts. (Sure, I still rate a distant second, but I'm gaining ground.) We converse now. I can unburden myself about the most ridiculous things that are rattling around in my head, but as long as I smile and waggle my eyebrows he'll pump his legs and cackle supportively. He also loves to sing along to mah-na mah-na, often in a warble that sounds like "ooooooooolllluuuuuurrrrrr" and equivocates between A-sharp and B-flat. The other primary noise is his dead-on impression of a creaking door.

The object impermanence (which he gets from his mother) is a plus, because every meeting starts with a clean slate. There's never any baggage. TwoBert can go without seeing me during the workday, or even for half an hour, and when we're reunited he reacts with such elated surprise. "Hey! The amusing man is back! I thought he was dead!"

The teething is a minus, because it's getting worse and has no end in sight. He'll be dozing away and then jolt awake with a violent yelp, and the copious drool that lately defines his existence will have backed into his nasal passages, waiting not-so-patiently for a groggy parent to suck it out with our mini turkey baster (which is actually a nostril un-baster). You should see this drool, folks. The boy can saturate a bib in the blink of an eye. Every day is a new Genesis flood in Sternum Valley.

Most of this is pretty common four-month-old fare. On a more individual note, his current favorite thing is screwing his face into a scowl, clasping his hands together, and arm-wrestling with himself. As far as we know, no one among our large extended family has made a living in professional bodybuilding, so he may be poised to fill that gap. (If he needs us to help fulfill that dream, we have plenty of baby oil.)

And secondly, he can't stand the fact that he can't stand. He shares his living space with three fully functional bipeds, walking and skipping and dancing around to Earth Wind & Fire, and he wants in. Lying around is so last month; if I place him on the floor, he flops and arches and grunts himself over and out of his Boppy, begging me to pull him up into a standing position. When I do, he clamps onto my fingers and stands rigidly until the unfettered bliss breaks his concentration and buckles his knees. Then he launches into a beatific smile that buckles mine.

Comments

[AdventureDad]

Sounds like TwoBert is doing just fine. Just prey that he gets over his teething quickly. Our son never nags but the few times he was teething he was far from pleasant. Fortunately he got like 12 teeth at once so that stage didn't last long. Don't ask me how the hell that happened.

During that time he surely would have placed top three in the DWC (Drool World Cup. We weren't talking wet bibs, we were looking at wet towels....

[Regina]

When my sons were teething some days were like a long days journey into night! Scary stuff.....

[landismom]

Good luck with the drooling! My son is two, and he still has a wet shirt at the end of every day. And like Two-Bert, he envied his family members who walked upright--look out for the early walkers...

[Sarah]

Ughhh! Teething is just a nightmare for everyone involved! Funny how you forget all about it until it sneaks up on you again. Ruby (10 mos) is going through another 'bout of teething and thinks biting me while nursing is just so much fun! Have you tried "gummomile" oil from herbs for kids? we love it (for grown up teeth too!) it's madke with cloves and it's really powerful, so just a little bit if you use it on him.

Love your blog! My hubby is going to be a "laid off dad" in just several weeks. Yikes!

[21stCenturyMom]

Aw shucks - that last line was so sweet it made my teeth hurt - in a good way. I miss having babies in the house.

[anne]

200 posts and you're still able to drizzle it with so many great lines. "the amusing man" indeed.

[fuzzit]

"TwoBert is also learning that there's more to interact with than just my wife's breasts. (Sure, I still rate a distant second, but I'm gaining ground.)"

hehehe, my husband was breastfed for lots of his life and I think nothing could really ever equal the boobies

[Marty]

The gaining ground thing took a while for me, but since the wife has put the breasts back in to their holsters it goes much quicker. I'm no longer the distant second that I once was.

[Matthew]

Two-Bert is a month ahead of mine. It's great to hear about what's coming up.

Congrats on your 200th post!

[karyn]

Terry cloth bib with a vinyl backing.

If you don't already have these, go and buy ten or twenty. I've been there, and it's not pretty.

[Undisclosed]

Nothing equals the Cuteness. I love it when they get older and they start to use the Cuteness to distract you from the Naughtiness.

[Kristie]

I remember those days :) (mine is 15 months)...I am lucky tho, teething never really seemed to bother him. So no advice there, sorry. I love how completely sweet and innocent they are at the age...everything is new, and therefore thrilling. Mine is now beginning to show off his little stubborn side. Its still cute, but i know i am in for it. Good job on 200!

[bihari]

Our 7 month old is trying to get those top teeth to come through, and as far as I can tell, he's decided that chomping down hard on Mama's nipples is the absolute best analgesic around. He chomps, then he grins. Me and my nipples, we are not grinning.

[Scully]

If you keep up these wonderful posts, I'm going to have get myself married and have another child. I'm a woman about to turn 42 - stop doing these posts.

[Jenn]

You are not good birth control, sir. This transported me right back to the sweetness of Fourmonthsoldland! So very dangerous for ovulators everywhere.

[madness]

Can say I have a little cyber crush on you now? Just 'cause of how well you wrote this (and other posts). The self arm wrestling? hahahaha - god, I remember when my wee ones would spaz out like that. Loved every minute. Would never go back. Every age is as fun as the last.

[Margie]

You are the babymaker. You are the Luther Vandross of blogs.

[LOD]

Why thank you, Margie. And thanks especially for referencing your comment with a musician I've heard of.

[Melizzard]

<>

My SugarPop is right there with you on that one ... Mama's new best friend is the Bumba chair. She really digs not having to lay around and unlike the bouncer it's secure on high surfaces so she gets a birds eye view.

[Melizzard]

Okay, somehow my quote got erased but I was refering to "Laying on the floor being so last month"

[Steph]

Great! Just great! Now I want to rush in to my baby boys' crib and scoop up his sleeping cutness for a fix.

*Note to self... do NOT read LOD before bed. I can't handle the cute.

[Risha]

Please please please please consider getting rid of that baby oil. As an investment advisor, I see all sorts of clients, including one that has the money they do because of the legal settlement from when their son inhaled baby oil at age 2. He's still alive at age 17, but can't walk, talk, or interact. It's a horrible horrible thing to see. There's nothing that baby oil can do for your baby that some other substance can't do better or safer.

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

Jack is trying so desperately to raise himself, he does this wonderful little move that is like a sit-up, but laying on his side. Maybe we could place bets on who stands first?
I'm a terrible person.