Appetite for construction

These are heady times for Kid Charisma, because he's become aware that his brother TwoBert is no longer a passive little poop factory. The wee one is learning to interact. He likes to regale his parents with spine-tingling Tales From the Womb, which he often punctuates by raising his eyebrows and yelping. He laughs a lot, between the teething fits and the torrents of drool. He likes to sit facing me on my lap and work my thumbs like one of those hulking Matrix shoot-em-up robots.

TwoBert is now a threat, an Eve to his Margo.

Apart from the occasional vituperative outburst, however, Robert seldom acts out on this anxiety. Rather, he's learned to sublimate it by obsessing about "worker guys":

• He rips through reams of printer paper drawing "blueprints."
• He piles up all loose toy parts within an arm's radius and calls them "materials."
• He 's lost interest in Sesame Street and Clifford, in favor of This Old House and The New Yankee Workshop.
• And Bob the Builder, whom he has fetishized. (More on this later.)

And because construction sites must be be roped off, the little autocrat will fashion anything into some sort of barricade and urge us not to breach the perimeter, lest we risk terrible bodily harm. This is his way of staying in control, of drawing a line in the eroding sand of his authority. He must tell the world that even though his home may have been invaded by a bald, driveling stumblebum who can't even sit up by himself, this is still his domain, and he is still its master.

No such barricade is complete without "caution tape," which can be fashioned from pretty much anything: belts, binder's twine, kitchen garbage bags, clothing. One day I left him alone with a roll of Scotch tape while I washed the dishes, and 10 minutes later he'd overwhelmed the living room with a gigantic spider web that could have mummified a sheep.

Enter the in-laws, who came to town knowing that all the deflected attention of TwoBert's baptism would bend Robert's nose out of joint. So they brought him some "caution tape," which was actually just two rolls of old software stickers. Robert was ecstatic, because here was 100 feet of fencing that could be stuck anywhere, to anything. And my wife and I smiled, because Robert was happy, and we really don't have much regard for our furniture, anyway.

So that's how we're rolling during the dog days, people. The little one likes being walked around to soothe his teething pain, the big one strives to block us at every step, and nasty things keep pouring out of the cat. It is truly the American dream, writ large-ish.

Comments

[Lisa]

"That's all shot Bob".

[Dutch]

I think it's great. Encourage him to continue his passion for woodworking. By the time he's ten you could end up with a nice Federal-Style Game Table or a china hutch out of this deal. The New Yankee Workshop has old episodes available on video! How young is too young to start operating an air-powered stapler?

[BIYF]

I can't deduce from your entry whether he's headed towards Trump or Gehry (hopefully, NOT Vila). Regardless, something tells me your furniture will eventually get an upgrade.

[bihari]

You have company. Our two year old has conflated our house with the Island of Sodor (I found Percy and Thomas in the crisper drawer this morning, and Bertie Bus in the mailbox), our five month old wants to live on my hip and drool his way to tooth-dom, and our cats have left so much fur on the furniture that I feel positively irresponsible not spinning it into wool for sweaters. Except who wants a cat-hair sweater?

[Yomama]

Been away a while and just caught up with the newest entries. You are so talented, you must write a book. I'll take a dozen autographed copies......Love the new boypix

[marian]

on another subject entirely, just out of curiosity--when do you find time to come up with those brilliant new banners every day?

love your blob.

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

Joe introduced Jack to what I refer to as "Ask The New Yankee House Hour" today. I thought the TV Hutch Norm made was pretty cool actually, though Jack seemed bored :)

[LOD]

I almost forgot: When Robert conjures his elaborate construction scenes, he prefers to do it while wearing socks on his hands. He calls them his "work gloves."

The management regrets the omission.

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Jackson does that with the socks on his hands, but he calls them his "boxing gloves."

Also: "Eve to his Margo" -- good one.

[Scully]

I just rolled my sister off the bed when she was three months old.

My parents should have had the Police - Do Not Cross Line tape wrapped around her.

[Matthew]

Aaaah, the advantages of having twins as my only children - no older sibling rivalry.

BTW, I always love a blog entry where I have to look up a word.

vi·tu·per·a·tive
adj.
Using, containing, or marked by harshly abusive censure.

I am entertained AND leave a smarter person. Way to go LOD!