Spring forward, fall down

Hoo-boy. It's been a week since I've written a word, because it's been that long since we've seen a cloud in the sky. And when the weather cooperates, it's easy to fall into a nice-and-easy pattern that makes the days fly by:

• 8:00am - 4:00pm: Fry the bacon

I'm happy to report that the Lords of the Gig came through with contractual terms I can live with, so I'm going to sign on for another year. One of the best benefits of being laid off twice in four years is learning to take my job a little less seriously, and therefore hating it far less.

• 5:00pm - 8:00pm: Wage the rumpus
  

We've been out on the ballfield for a few evenings now, and Robert has gotten the idea that his mitt doesn't belong on his throwing hand. But I wouldn't call what we do a "catch." Basically, I aim for his mitt for ten minutes until he leaps on the trike and tries to mow down pigeons.

• 9:00pm - 7:00am: Embrace the horizontal

You might assume that horizontality involves collapsing on our decrepit couch, and in most circumstances you might be right. But at the risk of indecorousness, I don't mind admitting that my smokin'-hot wife is even smokin'-hotter when she's this pregnant. I believe we've adapted well to accommodate the belly, so much so that Two-Bert might be born with the peculiar ability to measure earthquakes without a seismograph.

Throughout all this comes the unrelenting charm of preschooler logic. On Friday I brought home an Easter lily from the farmers' market, unaware that the leaves contain a substance that is highly toxic to cats. We mostly like our cat, so the lily is currently perched 10 feet in the air, on top of a bookshelf. Ever since we explained this to Robert, he's been packing his cars up in plastic containers each night so the cat won't eat them and die.

Comments

[adam]

I would have to agree - your wife IS hotter when pregnant. Oh, wait, I mean my wife. Ok, let me try again:
To their husbands, the wife just gets hotter when she's pregnant. Yeah, that works without upsetting anyone.

And it's funny how kids pick up on little things like the cars with the cat. Of course, if it were my kids, they'd be climbing things to get the plant down so they can see if they can figure out why it's bad for the cat, then try to "fix" it.

[Sarah]

Smokin' Hotter. I like that. I'm going to tell my husband to call me that--pregnant or not.

When does Two-Bert Debut?

Sarah

[Jugi]

Yeah, I second that emotion: when's your hot-hot hottie due? I'd love to catch up with you one of these days, maybe get that long overdue stout, as I feel like I'm incredibly out of the loop, save for your daily musings. Though between your frying, waging, and horizontalling, you sound mightily tasked.

PS. Thanks for sharing.

[LOD]

I admit it. I'm an unabashed worshiper of the bulbous female form. We figure we have only a couple weeks before the post-partum drought, then the return to birth control, and then that all-so-important first phrase of foreplay: "The kids are asleep."

[Teken]

Wow. I thought only I went through this kind of affair. You are a rockin' dad, and I only hope my own two kids are as lucky!!

[Cecily]

I am so buying my cats that plant.

What?

They're old. It fine.

[L Man]

Smoking hot banner, dude.

[Teken]

Lillies toxic?! WTF?!

Nice going, Dad! Though I have to admit making the same mistake myself.

I heard that Geraniums ar equally threatening. Crap.

Also, I no longer burn candles at my place, cause the two cats love to ignite their tails. Cats. Smart? I don't think so...

[Very Mom]

You mean to say that you get it on from 9pm to 7am? I think that might kill me.

[LOD]

Oh, it's on baby.