Let us pause to celebrate the adorned, accessible crotch

We have reached the next stage in undergarment evolution.

For the first year of Robert's life, we used (and re-used) cloth diapers, partly for the environmental aspect, but mostly because my wife did piles of research and found lots of niche retailers who sell very effective little snappy things that saved us a bloody fortune. Next came disposables, which came into use about when Robert's effluent became just too nasty to store in the house for any length of time. Then, when the boy learned that life is a lot more fun when you can float little TP barges in the toilet and sink them with your stream, out came the little Gerber pants with the extra absorptive crotch panels.

Robert is now a proud flaunter of Novelty Big-Boy Underpants, which have two very important qualities. First, they can feature your favorite TV personality on the front, and everyone knows life is just that more secure when you know Bob the Builder is standing guard over your privates. But more importantly, these are Y-fronts, with a real "Y" that affords the wearer easy access without the indignity of walking around with your knickers around your ankles.

Robert discovered this the other day, during one of those rare times when he doesn't make me wait my turn, and he was incredulous. "Hey! These have a hole in them!" I explained that it was there on purpose (complete with a short demonstration of how a fly works), and he shot me a look that said, "You mean to tell me that all this time I've been suffering the indignity of walking around with my knickers around my ankles, when all I've had to do is reach in through here? What else haven't you told me?"

Well, for one thing, I haven't yet admitted that I'm enough of a dork Anglophile to use "bloody," "knickers", and "Y-fronts" all in the same post.

Comments

[BugsMom]

When my nephew was wearing his "Bob" underpants all he ever said, and his mother as well, was "Don't pee on Bob!". Apparently it is an effective reminder. With a little girl, i guess i'll be just as bad begging her not to pee on Ariel, Jasmine, Belle...or whoever the heck is on big girlpants. Is this the new Under-roos?

[wix]

i would not have guessed anglophile. but i was guessing that you were/are a fan of 'the young ones'.

[anne]

it is now time to instruct the young grasshopper on what a zipper can do to you if you aren't cautious. when the knickers go all the way down to the ankles and back up again, boys seem to remember to tuck everything in first, but when the need for speed is discovered, certain slips can be easily made.

[MissWeeze]

Not your fault. Just like French is the language of love, British is the language of underwear and the toilet.

[landismom]

What I'm really looking forward to in the toilet training of the Sweet Potato, is how much of it landisdad will have to handle (for just this reason).

[MetroDad]

Ahh...I remember my first pair of underoos like it was yesterday. In my world of big-boy underpants, Batman ruled supreme. I guess he's been supplanted by Bob the Builder. Though I'm not sure who Bob the Builder actually is, he sounds fairly wholesome (as far as favorite TV personalities go). I'm just glad that nobody's making underpants with picures of Paris Hilton, the Pope or Donald Trump on the front (they aren't, are they?)

p.s. My wife also is a dork Anglophile. Once a year, she sits down to watch BBC's "Pride and Prejudice" on DVD. For the next few weeks afterwards, she subconciously affects a slight British accent and I feel like I'm living with Elizabeth Bennett.

[jollyjosh]

i hate to be a plugger, but Bear in the Big Blue House "Potty Time" was the training tool that got our girl on the loo. Great songs and characters to reference when discussing when it's time to try in order to avoid contests of wills, e.g. "didn't tutter go to the potty and then he was able to keep playing checkers just after?"

that and running around the house naked

and don't forget the hello kitty and nemo undies - they rock.

[adam]

Bear in the Big Blue House had no effect on two of my kids.

The third is nearing what I call the "Potty Event Horizon" - she tells us after she's pee'd and poop'd, but never before. NEVER.

Pleas to keep the princess/barbie/who-ever is on the front of her pull-ups dry are met with responses like "OK" and "Dora likes dry flowers" and then promptly ignored.

I see this potty training go-round as a test of wills - a test she is determined to win at any and all costs.

[karyn]

A year after potty training and we still bring up Tutter in the most important moments!

[sac]

We did much research before our first was born regarding the cloth vs. disposable issue. We found it's pretty much a toss up. Thank God, because cloth dipes are a huge fucking pain in the ass.

Congrats on big boy skivvies, though. Our middle kid is partial to the Spongebob underwear, but who isn't?

[Wende]

My God, I wear sponge bob undies and I'm thirty something. :) But honestly, the only thing I can think about reading this post is. . . wait for it. . . KARMA. Can you say Payback is a bitch? Robert is going to be reclaiming his dignity at your expense until the end of time. Poor, poor you.

Which we might all pay good money to see. Start hawking tix to his HS graduation now and you might cover most of his first year of college tuition.

[Christine]

LOL!! Oh boys have it so much easier!