I got your Homeland Security right here
WASHINGTON, DC (AP) -- Fresh off his nomination to succeed Tom Ridge as Secretary of Homeland Security, former New York City Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik announced his plan to upgrade the color-coded terror alert system developed in the wake of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.
“We needed a change,” said Mr. Kerik, who can kick your ass, your dad’s ass, and all of your friends’ asses in alphabetical order. Despite his laughable claims that voting for John Kerry was tantamount to inviting more terrorism on American soil, New Yorkers are optimistic that Mr. Kerik, who witnessed 9/11 and its aftermath first-hand, might see the wisdom of allotting a few more per-capita security dollars to New York City than to, say, Boise Fuckin’ Idaho.
I fucking love you.
Posted by:CatGrrl | December 04, 2004 at 12:47
Being quite near Boise, I'm pretty sure we're the last place on earth anyone will bomb. Unless they want to waste expensive military dollars by blowing up random hay fields.
Posted by:Very Mom | December 04, 2004 at 16:00
Gotta protect all those potatoes! Imagine the black market frenchfries, the onion dip surplus... MASS HYSTERIA!!
Posted by:Lisa | December 04, 2004 at 20:50
Wow. Such harshness.... I was really looking forward to reading about another one of Robert's adventures and to find you have another level to ya man. Wow. Amazing. Thanks for providing me with a good chuckle. I've added your link to my own amusing yet mindless blog links....anyways, I read your stuff daily. peace. inky
Posted by:a girl called inky | December 04, 2004 at 21:14
Even though this is quite funny, it is taking every ounce of my willpower not to point out the big ol' misplaced modifier, right there, MOCKING ME. God, I'm such an asshole.
Later I'll copyedit the comments.
Posted by:Alice | December 06, 2004 at 18:28
After years of misplaced affections, I figure crappy grammar is a step up.
In the future, I shall endeavor to clarify my antecedents.
Posted by:LOD | December 07, 2004 at 20:47