AddThis Feed Button

Good Reads

More Good Reads

1,000 Words

  • www.flickr.com

« Oh, shit | Main | Evidence that my wife has been spending a lot of time alone with a two-year-old »

I could get far in this world with supreme control over everyone's mind and motor skills

As I slumped on the couch this evening, besniffled and besnotted beside my lovely, enervated wife, my son ricocheted around the pinball machine that is our living room, singing and drawing on his hand and promulgating his many theories—like how you need to say "Excuse me" after you burp, fart, yawn, hiccup, cough, and sneeze (a difficult dictum to uphold when you're sick). There he was, a darling furious ball of energy, and all we could think of was the miles to go before we could sleep.

Eerily, my wife and I locked eyes and telepathically decided it would be great if Robert could somehow manage to strip off his own clothes, run his own bath, wash his own hair, dry his own backside, pull on his own pajamas, brush his own teeth, and sing himself to sleep. We held hands, closed our eyes, and focused all of our mental energy toward an unlikely miracle.

It didn't work.

Comments

We'll have a joint keg party.

My kid'll be seven next week. I'm still waiting.

Happens around 8 or 9 years of age. I know what you mean, though. There are nights when I look at the clock and think, "2 more hours until peace."

It happens before you know it. Then you miss it.

The comments to this entry are closed.

Sponsored by

Google Ads


The Federation

Twitterpated

    follow me on Twitter

    SiteMeter




    Links