Crap!

The secret to survival in an NYC apartment, as you might imagine, is Negative Crap Flow. If you bring in a quantity of new crap, make sure you pitch a greater quantity of old crap. (By volume, not weight.) This becomes exponentially more important when your twosome becomes a threesome, and that third family member is outgrowing clothes as if he’s been exposed to plutonium.

Since I am much more motivated when there is structure in my life, I have been using my “weekends” to jettison crap. The ladder I borrowed to paint the kitchen? Returned. The pile of old clothes that has waited for months to be taken to Goodwill? Shipped out. Small household appliances unopened since our wedding because we have 27 inches of counter space? Status pending ...

Stuyvesant Town normally has a Fall Flea Market, where over-crapified households like ours can offload our crap onto crapoholics less discriminating than ourselves. (It’s also a great training ground for aspiring craphoarders who are just starting out.) Sadly, this year’s market, which would have been held this weekend, was cancelled due to “security reasons.” That’s right, America. New York can host the Republican National Convention, but a free exchange of mismatched glassware and warped Blue Öyster Cult LPs is just too damned risky.

All of this means I’m doomed to spend the winter navigating a larger surfeit of crap than I anticipated. Which means the terrorists have already won.

Comments

[maria]

I had to laugh at your post. If it makes you feel better, I too am removing junky things from my house to make more room (for new junk). It's a cycle that never ends. I have mother & mother in law always bringing absolute rubbish for the kids, this stock piles for about a month then I grab a garbage bag and wait for the kids to go to school. Needless to say the junk is banished to a far away place and never mentioned again.

[deb]

Too. Funny. Perfect for right now as my boyfriend brought home two boxes of tissues recently and I said, "two?! We only have room for one at a time!" and it is - so sadly - true.

[Lisa]

My home for "wayward belongings" (aka crap) is my dining room table until Turkey Day rolls around. Then I HAVE to clean it off otherwise, people will get gravy on my tchotchkes and we can't have that.

[corie]

You need to have a stoop sale, even if you don't have an official stoop. Any good appliances? I'm marginal in the crap area, but I can always use a good kitchen appliance.

[Sloan]

Freecycle.org is a brilliant thing. One day we're going to breach critical crap mass (CCM) on this planet. Surely scientists have determined scientifically that at this very moment, we're going to begin simply trading crap amongst ourselves to satisfy consumer lust (not necessarly a bad outcome).

'It's new to me, baby.'

[rockgrrrl]

we can't resist buying the largest possible bulk units of paper towels, toilet paper, and garbage bags, but we never have any room for them. So I've started using the trunk of my car to store them in. That's right, I have a hall closet, it's just in the driveway.

[logtar]

That was just too funny. LMAO.

[lisa]

keep on writing... I am enjoying your commentary on life with kid... I have 4 so I can relate to a lot of what you are saying... but they are older now, so we have off-loaded huge amounts of crap over the years... mostly to my younger sister who has young kids now... and of course my kids love having yard sales (yes we have a yard) and the incentive is that they get to keep the money...