If your toddler swims in the pool while wearing a standard disposable diaper, after about five minutes the diaper’s core of super-strong desiccant will most resemble which of the following?
(A) a bologna loaf
(B) a two-foot section of anaconda
(C) an irresponsibly large sex toy
(D) Star Jones’s forearm
(E) a weapon with which you could easily bludgeon a grown man to death and not leave any marks, thus confounding the authorities.